Café Gilliam

Samuel's Philisophy.avi

2009-11-15T20:53:00.001-06:00

Aikido

Samuel's Philisophy.avi

2009-11-15T20:08:00.001-06:00

Samuel's Philisophy.avi

2009-11-15T20:04:00.001-06:00

Photo Play

2009-09-12T22:03:00.006-05:00

I'm worried my subject matter may becoming repetitive. Maybe we can count this as make-up for all the extended periods I failed to post. Today was a quiet day at home, but we did manage to get outside for bubble-play!

Noah hates messy. This is after he fell in the mud.

Toes!

Tuesday Ten

2009-09-08T14:09:00.006-05:00

It's already Tuesday?! Love the three-day weekends!

Jared staying hooommme with the family, instead of having to visit the lab; the zoo membership our rockin' friend Kristi gave us; goof-ball amateur play with the camera, on the dashing-est subjects imaginable; home-grilled fajitas and whole-wheat tortillas; sharing homebrews with the husboo; Noah's first family portrait drawing (we're all bubble-heads, of course. I have hair, Jared doesn't. Noah has a little. Braeden is the only one who gets arms); constant and welcome thoughts of a certain little girl (!); cool-ish (or okay, simply just not hot) weather; email chat with my mother-in-law; providence of Tuesdays evening out.

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Saturday Play Photos

2009-09-05T13:52:00.017-05:00

Weekends are kind of a new concept around here. Today we hit Discovery Green for some Saturday playtime....

"Love one another with brotherly affection..."

Haha! Couple o' hams.

More haminess.

Noah, 4 yrs. You are somethin' else, kiddo.

Splashes!

Exhibiting the characteristic cautious approach.
(Where did he pick that up? I mean, with me being such a daredevil and all...)

Discovery Green, you are so cool. We'll be seeing you on another spiffy weekend.

Last Health Post, This One From the Heart

2009-08-26T22:07:00.007-05:00

One of the things I've picked up on from medical personnel is frustration regarding the Medicaid system. I heard a doctor say she struggles to pay off student loans while working at a county hospital, yet treats Medicaid patients frequently sporting manicures, SUVs, and designer accessories she can't begin to afford. Our own pediatrician stopped receiving Medicaid patients after he grew weary of what he perceived as abuse of the program. I don't offer numbers, but I feel sure that an unfortunate percentage of participants aren't in it to jump-in-jump-off as resolution to a crisis; it's a crutch for the long haul, which denies everyone, including them, in the process.

With medical bills, it may easier to attempt justification: health insurance premiums are expensive, as are doctors visits and medications.

But bring it down to groceries. We all need blow money. Whether it takes form in a casino trip, a bottle of wine, or a pack of Trident, we all need the capacity to spend for indulgence. I feel like I already measure that constantly. Beans and rice and veggies, or stop the cart at the butchery? Bottle of wine: misappropriation of funds, or necessary investment in marital relax-and-talk time? Are the clothes truly a justifiable expense?

This is not pity-talk. Anyone who cares to watch their cash flow has these inner dialogs, just about varying purchases (yacht, or no yacht?). The thing is, if I pad my income with your taxes, all the sudden that gift I wanted to give, or the Tuesday-with-friends panini, or the book, seem like deceptions, "little white lies". It turns into a battle of my conscience. Gucci purse? Some welfare recipients don't see that as a 'No'. All I have to do is fill in the blank with my personalized list.

Secondly, and finally, feeding people has become meaningful to me. It started with learning to cook after I left my job to stay home. It grew (and grew) with CARES. Feeding people is personal. Sharing meals is an effective way of welcoming people, extending fellowship, honoring them. The symbolism spans cultures, religions, generations. Jesus ate -- and ate -- and ate (and drank, but oops, that's another discussion) with people so much that he was called a gluton. I think I would feel defeated if I stopped giving my kids meals from my hands. My Jewish pediatrician would probably laugh to hear me say so; he once told me that the maternal equating of feeding with loving begins with breastfeeding, and never fades. I had a friend in high school whose Lebanese mother would cook after-school feasts for us, delivered with the "You're too skinny!" line of love. It's a primal love language, and I'm caught in the current.

I think I've exhausted the topic. Motherhood is a powerful force, giving fierceness to the most mundane issue you can probably try to relate to child rearing. Mommies have strong opinions. It's hard not to, but the goal is to keep listening, keep growing.

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Noah's First Day

2009-08-26T12:45:00.008-05:00

Here it is! Official First Day of School photos. Pre-K 4 with Mrs. Perez.

Jared and I met in school. We got married two weeks after graduation from school. We had two babies while in school. Noah is entering his first year of school! Half our family is enrolled in school. Thematic. (And chronological, if clarification is needed: high, undergrad, grad, elementary.)

It feels like time is so short. On the other hand, while Noah is loving his new daily adventures, I feel so much closer to Braeden. I think it's the mental energy that had become so draining, the lack of space for even personal thoughts. But with Braeden to myself, we're having a ball. Strange as it sounds for a stay-at-home mom, I think I missed him.

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Ten on Tuesday

2009-08-25T13:05:00.018-05:00

Whole barley bubbling away on my stove top; frozen fruit (blueberries today, with a little lemon) tainting simple syrup for my sparkling water; the leftover whole berries under reserve for Noah's oatmeal; looking at Braeden after we drop Noah off to school: "Well, kiddo, it's just you and me"; evenings with girlfriends!; Eileen's awesome children's book collection; fresh mango; Dave Ramsey podcasts; the newly assembled "Mommy Pack" in my car; a date with my husband (Yes! I said it! It's been about eleven months since our last one-on-one. Thank you, Amy.)

Why I don't wish to enroll in WIC (per request): I find it irresponsible to tax Jim Jones down the street for my children's food supply, simply because he earns more than I do. If a woman is in a crisis, there's room for government intervention, and I'm willing to be taxed for that -- though ideally, I still perceive that non-profits do a better job serving those in need. I do not perceive that I am in a crisis. Frankly, we carry some student loan padding, which we view as a modest investment. But we are not backed into a corner. Rather than work, I have chosen to stay at home for our children. Rather than work, Jared has chosen to complete his Ph.D. We are prepared to manage within the budgetary constraints of that, cheerfully so. It's not Mr. Jones', nor President Obama's, responsibility to stock our milk and bread. That would be unfair and lazy. Am I merely declining a gift? No, because taxation is not charitable.

About school lunches: I'm a professional mother; I'm a home economist. Sometimes I slip up, and sometimes I do okay. Yesterday, Noah (who fully deserves his credit) said, "Mama, what is the green part?... Mmm, I like kale." I like my child eating fresh fruits and veggies (though indeed, kale needs to be boiled down!). I like him eating prepared grains and proteins which I know the makings of. I like giving him a homemade cookie. (I like that he's not drinking chocolate milk every day.) I like that it goes to school in an adorable stegosaurus lunch box, and comes back for me to see what he hasn't finished. It's food; but it's food that I put care into, just another way for me to love my Noah. I don't wish to outsource that, because it's an honor that I enjoy, and it's serving Noah's health and spirit. Why would I entrust to government work that which I am capable of, responsible for, and personally invested in myself? Boastful, yes, but as a mother, I assure you, I can do a better job.

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First Week of Normal

2009-08-24T13:41:00.003-05:00

Today is the first day of the second week of Pre-K. I think that's supposed to be the beginning of "normal." Today also, Jared and I got Noah ready and out the door in fifteen minutes, because my alarm system failed. The one named Braeden? Sure, we have a digital alarm, but we slept right through it because we'd been up late with Jared working away on his papers. The rough 5 a.m. no-fail Baby Alarm was snoozin'! Ordinarily, I'd be thrilled; today, it's just funny. I tell Noah all the time, "We're a family. We need to cooperate." Then I point out what Jared and I are doing, and how I need Noah to do Project X. Well, Braeden is a bigger contributor than I had realized.

Also today, and in direct relationship to the school bit, I am wearing make-up. I got out of the shower (in Baby-Mama fashion, being about noon), and thought, why not? Pregnancy was too exhausting for keeping up with personal fancies, and being with two kiddos wore me out all over again. Part of me feels waaay overdone, like a show-girl. Did I forget how to wear a publicly appropriate application of make-up?

Mumbo-Jumbo Money Talk

2009-08-19T01:51:00.001-05:00

I heard on a talk show a while back some challenging of the Cash For Clunkers program. "Are you annoyed," the host began, "that you are paying for these cars, and funding them for buyers who will probably be in over their heads with the resulting debt?" In other words -- this is an irresponsibly induced burden on taxpayers, as well as an allure of irresponsible burden to impulsive buyers.

Jared and I are in a low tax bracket. I realized that although I think it's a stupid program (to use the president's now infamously chosen word), I don't feel that my money has been misspent. Because, well, it's not coming from my pocket. So no, I personally have not felt my income has been robbed and mismanaged.

On the other side, Noah's school has a widely-utilized lunch program. We choose not to participate, not even to apply. I believe I can provide healthier lunches. I also believe that if we are in any way able, we should do our absolute best to provide meals ourselves, apart from governmental distribution. I feel the same about Medicaid, although our baby qualifies. If in my capacity at all, I should be funding his health care. A friend and I were speculating about her husband going back to school. Expressing her loyalty to him, she said she'd be willing to be on governmental assistance for food if he required that -- as long as he knew that's what he was signing up for. I respect her commitment, but it made me think again that while we're able, we need to do our best to take responsibility for providing for our families ourselves, rather than relying on taxpayers forcibly supporting us.

There are exceptions. When the going gets rough, there needs to be charitable relief. Charitable -- hmmm. Faith-based programs succeed so often because they build relationship and responsibility, resisting co-dependency. Healthy faith-based programs also serve the individual, rather than merely the recurring immediate need. I won't let the government pay for Noah's food, but I will let them pay in part for his education. Where does that put me? KIPP challenges standard district practices, but it's still subsidized by the government. Jared doesn't count: he's paid by the government in exchange for becoming a brilliant scientist who will solve America's molecular-level problems, and beat Japan to the punch-line. :)

I am clearly a humble citizen, with no mind for politics. But the little mind I do have is thinking a bit. Thomas Jefferson is credited to have said, "Democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." Government-run programs can be advantageous, but there's so much abuse. It's easy to give up when providence is being handed to you. And it's hard to keep striving when it's being taken away.

Not only that, but I worry about the ethics that would evolve in a government-funded health plan. As much as the current system is flawed and in need of revision, won't government funding determine government regulation? The abortion coverage issue keeps coming up. It's a hot one, but let's bring it down... I am pro-midwife deliveries. The government could refuse me that right down the road, by denial of coverage. What about exploring alternative techniques in medicine? Or how about members of communities that defy standard health care practice for religious reasons? I am in need of efficient, affordable health care. I pay more than I can afford for baby wellness. But I'm suspicious of a government-sponsored program, just the same. Because I do have to pay directly, I take health matters extra seriously. Doesn't that too often fall by the wayside when people don't see their bill? Though neither should they choke under insurance manipulation and mumbo-jumbo, or impossible burden.

It's really early. Jared had a late night at the lab. I'm not sure if I've written anything coherent, but I do know Braeden will be waking up way too soon for his morning snack!

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Pic for Stephanie

2009-08-09T15:05:00.010-05:00

This is the unedited version my artsy pic from yesterday. I thought Steph would like it. I can't decide which version I prefer, but I imagine I'd like to enlarge this for the boys' room sometime. Opinions?

And I have a new appreciation for Texas squirrels! Apparently, not all squirrels are bushy-tailed. Sad!

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100 Things We Love About Houston

2009-08-08T15:05:00.016-05:00

In Jenny Childress style, but concentrated to Houston:

1. St. John the Divine: the parish and the place
2. Roughly anything Reagan and Ben are plotting and teaching through
3. Amy's Ice Cream. Chocolate Walnut Bourbon; St. Arnold's Summer Pills; Mexican Vanilla: I love you.
4. Miller Outdoor Theater. HB, HGO, TUTS, HITS. Shakespeare. It's a wonderful, magical place.
5. Central Market. Emphasis on the produce section. And the baked breads. And the cheeses. And the wine... moving on....
6. Our newlywed grocery store, the Randall's on Holcombe. :)
7. The Bayou walk winding from Allen Parkway through Heritage Park to the Wortham
8. Air conditioning everywhere
9. The Japanese Gardens in Hermann Park
10. Broad and diverse school capacities: many options for magnet, charter, private, and homeschooling
11. Area CARES Teams, invested and growing in local apartment communities
12. The Texas Medical Center
13. Taft Street Coffee!
14. Flip-flops year-round
15. All the cute little "island" cities/municipalities surrounded by us
16. The Metro Light Rail
17. Bluebonnets on 288!
18. Downtown at Christmastime
19. Crepe Myrtles
20. DeFalco's for homebrew gear
21. Houston Swim Club
22. Ad Deum Dance Company
23. Angelika Theater
24. Proscuitto paninis from Solento on Rice Blvd.
25. Half-Priced Books on University
26. Galveston
27. Brenham and Chappell Hill, Texas
28. Aggies
29. Big wide spaces!
30. Phenomenal racial and cultural diversity
31. Rice Owls
32. Shiny red train in Hermann Park
33. Sleeveless tops
34. High Fashion Fabrics
35. Caedmon's Call
36. Shopping options extraordinaire: from resale, to warehouse/clearance, to Ikea, to boutique
37. Texas rain
38. Texas wineries
39. Meg2 Tuesday night girls!
40. Houston Public Library
41. Blue Bell Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, Banana Pudding, Dutch Chocolate, and Jared's seasonal favorite, Peaches and Homemade Vanilla
42. Houston Ship Channel
43. The A.D. Players
44. The Heights
45. Wortham Theater Center
46. The entire Theater District
47. SJD Chapel, site of our wedding
48. Proximity to San Antonio (and to the graceful Havana Riverwalk Inn)
49. Houston Zoo
50. Children's Museum of Houston
51. Kathy Phillips
52. Beth Moore
53. Long list of restaurants beckoning our allegiance! (For we are not restaurateurs these preschool years)
54. Discovery Green in downtown
55. Fajitas and margaritas at Café Adobe
56. Hope Center ballet teachers
57. Magnolia trees
58. Croissant-Brioche on Rice Boulevard
59. Villa Roma Pizza on Holly Hall
60. KIPP Sharp. Pre-K 4 this year, woo-hoo! So happy to be part of this great school. Thank you, KIPP!
61. Christ Church Cathedral, est. 1839
62. Hobbit Cafe
63. Sun-infused West Gray windows of the Houston Ballet Academy (but it's due to relocate 2010!)
64. Cowboy hats and business suits blending together effortlessly in downtown
65. Cowboy boots
66. Tamales
67. Ethnic markets
68. River Oaks Coffee Shop
69. Hwy 6
70. KSBJ Brown Bags
71. That beautiful Houston skyline
72. John Swasey's barbecue
73. Real (not hokey) Tres Leches
74. The charming Lancaster Hotel, place of our wedding reception
75. Jones Hall (thanks, Mom and Dad, for raising me with theater tickets)
76. Yarwell Drive, which always makes me sentimental -- it's where Jared grew up
77. Christina at Aqua Salon -- she is a mind-reader, a conversationalist, and an unrivaled "glamour technician"
78. The Ginger Man pub on Morningside
79. The Phillips' kitchen brewery
80. Aikido in the Village studio
81. Annual Japanese Festival
82. Baseball at Minute Maid Park
83. Drs. Seymour and Ori Goldberg, Pediatrics
84. Rite of Passage Women's Health and Birth Center
85. Squirrels (Jared said that, not me!)
86. Abundant Tex-Mex
87. A half-inch of snow translating into a snow day, aka fun day, for students everywhere (not to mention the media mayhem!)
88. Tree-lined streets of West University
89. Kemper Crabb
90. New York Bagel Shop in Maplewood
91. Katz's Deli, anytime of day or night
92. Guitar Center, where Jared bought his first guitar
93. Charlie Ice Mechanics, a brotherly place for top-quality automotive care. Good beer, fellowship, and possibly kitty litter, will ensue
94. Honeysuckle every Spring
95. The cashier at World Market who somehow has watched Noah grow up
96. Close proximity to Grandma Stevie, Grandpa Eric, and Uncle Aaron!
97. Imagination Toys on Holcombe
98. A complicated, sprawling road system that I finally understand
99. Urbanite "y'all"s, and even better, "y'all's"s. No accent, lots of slang
100. Our bright, hospitable, faithful friends. You're one in a hundred! (Sorry, there's just no way I could come up with a million of these.) Tried and true, you guys rule.

We may leave Houston in a few seasons. We may stay. In the meantime, it's fun to play. (Sorry for the cheesy rhymes. I think my head got tired.)

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Braeden = 9 mos.

2009-08-08T10:22:00.002-05:00

Momisms

2009-08-06T22:52:00.009-05:00

Didn't plan for it, but here they've come. These are the most recurring lately:

"God made it, Mama cooked it. I need you to take a bite."

"We all have a job to do. We're a family; we need to cooperate. Mama is making supper; Papa is at work. Will you put these toys away?"

"I'm so happy to see you! I love you forever. But now it's dark outside, and it's time for you to rest so you can be strong. I'll see you in a little while." -- And it's working!!! We're down to one feeding, 4 or 5 a.m. Yes!!!

[Used in times of trouble] "Do you want to be a good boy, or a naughty boy?"
Route A: "Okay. You need to practice."
Route B: "Hmm, that makes me very sad. I know you can be a good boy!"

"Well, that costs money, and I don't have enough. I gave my money to [someone] for [something]. Let's do [something else]." -- It would sound sad to some, but I love this one. Noah takes it so well, and I like to think he's learning that money involves decisions. It also makes celebrations more celebratory, when he anticipates the gratification.

"I know that you know how to be a good friend. Let's say hello together." -- Because Noah has a shy streak, just like I did.

"Braeden woke up! Go say hello." -- This buys me time after naps to finish up whatever I've been doing. Braeden's safe in his crib, and I can hear them through the monitor. Love it! That's not a momism, but I say it all too frequently.

[Whispering during church] "Noah, would you like to take communion? [He nods. I say:] Why do we take communion? [Together:] Because Jesus died, Jesus rose, Jesus will come again. [Mama:] Let's go!" -- Grammie Gilliam instituted this one.

And of course, "I am so happy to be your Mama! I am proud of you."

Friday will be ten days till the start of Pre-K4, and the first time ever Noah hasn't stayed within my reach. School, here he comes!

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Potential Thug: Proceed with Caution or Conversation?

2009-08-05T14:26:00.019-05:00

I came home today to give Brae his morning nap after dropping Noah off to VBS (woo-hoo! I am so impressed with VBS this year!). Before I go inside, I'm chatting it up with my mom in the car, on the phone. Someone approaches, I roll down my window, and he asks if I have jumper cables. Yes, I do. Mom lets me go, and I wonder what to do. The big factor is that he's a he and I'm a she. He happens to also have a tattoo on his neck and baggy clothes. I will reject labeling him for any of that, but I won't be careless, either. The thing is, I am especially mindful of man-woman interactions that relate to any vehicle. Call me a big city girl, but it's easy to threaten or push a woman inside a car, and then she's stuck. Before I move my car close to his, I call the apartment office to see if I can get security or maintenance to shimmy on by. I get the answering service, because the office opens at 10:00 on Wednesdays. Darn. I'm on my own, and I move my car up to his. He connects the cables, I give him some go, he puts the cables away and closes my hood. That's that.

I start to feel bad. Through three years of CARES, I learned how to engage with just about anyone, anywhere, and why that's valuable. But here I took the cautious road, and aimed to be polite yet distant. When he finished, I finally saw the possibility that he is my new upstairs neighbor. He is (or his girlfriend is, anyway)! Did I deny hospitality to this man because of my timidity as a woman? Was my action neglectful, or shrewd?

I'm pondering this lightly, not coming to a conclusion, when I drive home again in the afternoon. As I pull to the gate, a police car is before me. Our security personnel flags him, the cop turns on his lights and steps out, and I see that security is standing with my neighbor from this morning. What is that about? Now I'm just feeling suspicious, and teetering again towards the shrewd-over-hospitable.

If anyone's reading this, I'm betting you're in favor of shrewd. Yet how can you bless while you're resisting connection? Thing is, I want to be around to bless my kids and husband, too. "God has not given us a spirit of fear"... I don't think I was afraid (or was I?). He commends shrewdness, and calls us to be "wise as serpents." I also recognize that in the pretend scenario that this man was up to no good, my initiating eye contact and showing interest in him could throw him off course and make him uncomfortable.

What would you do?

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Hush-time

2009-08-04T10:11:00.009-05:00

I can't believe how quiet it is. I opted out of volunteering with VBS this year, even though Noah is enrolled. Working with the 3- and 4-year olds last year exhausted me, enough that my obstetrician (I was six months) brought me in, checked me over, and gave me a talking-to. Plus, I'm coming to the opinion that mothers of babies should be officially released of duties during that first year. There are so many naps and feedings and milestones and complexities. I told Braeden recently, within Jared's hearing, "You're my Number One." Jared did a "Hey!," which he's right for. Jared is my true and forever Number One. But when Jared needs a feeding, it most often doesn't require my urgent snap-to-it-ness. So here now, during VBS, it's so peaceful to be just with baby. I was so sappy yesterday to suddenly realize in Central Market that it was just he and me, and get a little teary. (Maybe that's a second reason for giving first-year moms time off from outside commitment: not one of us can escape being perpetually emotionally and sentimentally charged.)

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Up-To-Date at Home

2009-08-01T11:33:00.007-05:00

*Relaxed sigh.*

Sometime after Noah turned a year old, Jared instituted Coffee Morning for me every Saturday. I would get out and write, or read, over a Mayan Mocha at Diedrich on Westheimer. So sadly, the coffee shop is gone (and Montrose does not compare). But... Coffee Morning has made a come-back! Rushing through errands to get home to my baby has morphed into secure and paced meandering -- or in this case, café-ing, knowing that everything at home is fine.

So here is my catch-up.

What we've been doing:
- Noah completed two weeks of swim lessons at the Houston Swim Club. They are remarkable, and I would recommend them any day.
- Jared is plugging away at work, and has been submitting a few CVs.
- Noah has a week of VBS ahead of him!
- Braeden is "walking" along the side of the sofa, where he can hold on. He has a fifth tooth appearing, and is appropriately eating more finger food.

What I've been thinking:
- I keep thinking about what I'd like to do after the boys are both in school. A friend suggested maybe I want to start working now. Not one bit, I promise... I am so invested in raising Braeden at home, in building his baby years with some hefty baby-mama time. But it's nice to imagine what I'll do outside the home eventually, when my family is ready for that. Definitely non-profit. What's attracting me is the idea of working with mothers in crisis pregnancy situations. I've thought for years about doing open adoption with a teen mother; this takes it beyond the home and into the workshop. It's fun to dream.

What I've been learning:
- It's sounds childish, but I am still learning that my perspective isn't universal. It used to seem to me that everyone had the same set of internal rules, and merely chose whether they would be agreeable. Nope. Ethics and manners and ideas and understandings are formed along the way. I'm not as boring wheat-bread as I allow myself to think.

Coming Out of Hiding

2009-07-29T14:23:00.008-05:00

Hello, Bloggersville! I can't say I've missed you, because I already used that line. I will say that I feel very guilty writing now, as though I should be doing X, Y, and Z. That's exactly where I've been. I've been thinking many blog thoughts, though! Just as Jared and I make appointments for marital conversation, we've made an appointment for me to blog this weekend.

Ten pleasantries in the meantime:

Braeden's 9-month check-up=fat, healthy, happy baby; he clapped today, for the first time!; talking about our response to Houston homeless with Maude and Eileen -- I know that's not happy, but it was nice (read: "adult") to have conversation broader than the immediacy of family and work; that I'm noticing it's admittedly hard for me to be mad at Jared, even when I want to be cranky, because he's kind to me; my new hobby of making spontaneous dinner from pantry/produce inventory, rather than meal planning; this blog that I love; once/month ladies' wine-and-snacks party! (Thanks, Brooke!); chatting it up long-distance with my sister Joyce; Ed and Jillian, on The Bachelorette -- I know, I'm pitiful! Possibly a future blog post.

Simple Happy Ten

2009-06-23T15:01:00.003-05:00

Wine and snacks with six fantastically lovely women; cheerful, patient, lovely schoolteacher Ms. Perez; a morning alone with Brae-Brae!; dark-cholocate covered roasted almonds from Central; The Ragamuffin Gospel, a felt-tipped pen, a straight-edge (because I'm a dork!), and the promise of good conversation; Triscuits, string cheese, carrots, and grapes in a lunch box; baby-moniter eavesdropping on brotherly banter; green tea gingerale; thermal shade grace from record-high summer weather; patience, virtuous, gernerous patience, in general.

Simple Happy Ten

2009-06-17T21:43:00.021-05:00

Timeless fiction; a long chat with my out-of-town sister; watching Noah get a haircut (those expressions!); Stegosaurus on a blue-and-red lunch box; mashed bananas; perfectly sunlit face caught in a photo; a friend noticing aloud my husband's act of goodness, though familiarity has stunted my appreciation; Skype; waking up to a crying baby in the daylight!; full-bloom peonies sipping icy-chilled water.

By the way:
Wednesday, June 10
I look at Braeden. He has brown eyes.

Saturday, June 13
Jared lowers the crib, anticipating Braeden soon standing. The lowering becomes immediate incentive for Braeden to stand. He's standing!

Wednesday, June 17
I buy a lunch box for Noah. Oh, me.

New Tradition

2009-06-09T15:31:00.011-05:00

I'm not contributing much. I've been daunted by my own blog. Anything worth saying takes too much time to say! These days I feel accomplished if I get laundry done, supper made, boys bathed, and rooms tidied all in one day. That's not even including leaving the house! Secret: the days I stay home all day are my favorite. I get Noah working on his alphabet and penmanship, Braeden taking healthy naps, my bed even gets made. Throw grocery shopping in the mix, and who knows what shape we'll be in by the end of the day!

So. No profound reflections today. Not even a photo. Tuesdays are now officially Simple Happy Ten days. Not of necessarily joyful things, though they'll meander in and out. Just happy things. Because, like every girl, I love remembering my favorite things. And like every nut, I love long, rambling, free-style lists. By the way, Noah's taking on the concept of favorite these days. "Strawberries [in my oatmeal]? Strawberries are my favorite food!"

Here we go! Feel free to add, advise, disagree adamantly, whatever floats your boat.

Noah's four-year old voice: "Braeden, it's okay; I care about you!" (Wouldn't you love if this could fix all our problems?); Brae's big grin with the cutest-ever two front teeth; photo blogs; olives, asparagus, and prosciutto with Jared; whites linens drying in the sun; Dan in Real Life; multi-colored foam sticky-backed stars; Veggie Rocks (so geeky!); sassy sunglasses; discovering shared philosophy with an admired friend.

And guess what? I'm so behind! Noah needs redirecting, Braeden needs diapering and feeding.

:)

Pondering Fostering; Baby Time-Line

2009-05-31T00:07:00.021-05:00

One of the things I do now and then is daydream about what I'd study if I were to go back to university. I don't feel I need to go, because a degree itself does not demonstrate height in character or capacity -- these days, it's more likely to demonstrate financial debt. But there are paths that require and are benefited by a degree. What would I study? Women's History in America; Child Development; Photography (nah -- but I definitely need to train up a hobby)? I could finish up that English degree.

My hypothetical question demands a next, What I want to do? I have more confidence in myself than ever. I used to think I was such a cookie-cutter-cutout-character (ha!). No more. Rather than loosing myself in over-bending to others, I'm getting assertive with the over-correcting, and forgetting my manners. I still need more practice: who wants to be my next victim? Really, though, I wonder what direction my life will take after the boys are able to dress themselves.

I never want to compromise being accessible to them. Full-time work is out of the question for me. But I want to be intentional about what I become, not slipping into what I think anyone else expects at a given moment. And I hear the question, "Do you want to have more kids?" I don't know. That's for God to tell me; not me to tell Him. He'll guide me. In the meantime, two is great, and I'm satisfied. How couldn't I be, with these stellar men? :)

Do I want to work with/for women, ministerially? Advocate for children? Edit? (I would love editing!) Take pictures of babies and children for low or no cost?

I think, just as I did when I was little bitty, that I want to foster. Five, ten, fifteen-year olds. Not necessarily babies. Not older than Noah will be. Local, obviously. More than anything I can think of, that's what makes me excited, impassioned -- though I know it'll be a ton of heart-wrenching work, and I should go ahead and, as much as I can, start the character-building now. I wouldn't do this anytime soon. First comes a job, a little cash building, a steady home, and a few more years for these two to grow.

Not exactly related, but certainly intriguing, my friend and her husband are currently training to foster. They'll be caring for a baby. She told me how at the first group class, the instructor asked everyone to share why they wanted to foster/adopt. There were many answers sounding like, "I've always wanted to be a mother; I have so much love to give." The instructor let everyone have their turn, and then slammed that response! My friend thought it was maybe a little over-aggressive. Tone aside, it reminded me of something my dad once said, about a dance ministry at our old church. "Why do you want to join the dance ministry?" "So I can share my gift." That's not quite right. Nor is someone wanting to fall in love because they have "so much love to give."

It's self-focused. Dancing, parenting, spouse-ing, are exercises in being shaped by God. Humbling yourself so that God can honor someone else is not fun! (Though in the long run, it spins blessing.) I recognize that I speak as a girl who hasn't suffered for want of pregnancy or husband. "I've always wanted to be a mother," is exceptionally valid. But it can't be the theme of the story, because then the child's secretly expected role is to fill the woman. Rather, her representation (because it is born of God and not her) of authoritative servant-hood, her love that bends in honor and submission, are the required order. Especially with a broken child.

Those are my thoughts tonight. Perhaps I'll see them five years down the road, when maybe the waters will be stirring. We'll see!

In the now...

Saturday, May 23
Noah is four! Ask him. Four years old, woo-hoo!

Sunday, May 24
Braeden cuts his two first teeth!

Monday, May 25
Mama cuts a wisdom, for empathy. (Removal not required.)

Thursday, May 28
Baby photos! Haven't seen 'em yet. Of course I'll share.

Thursday, May 28
Braeden goes from crawling to sitting. No more stuck in crawl, "Come help me!," stance!

Friday, May 29
Braeden turns seven months!

Saturday, May 30
Did I see that? Is he starting to pull up?!

Defending Mothers' Day

2009-05-14T00:20:00.043-05:00

Mother's Day (or Mothers' Day, for the times you're community inclined) receives its share of criticism. Florists, card companies, and restaurants receive their due through our faithful consumer traditions. The verdict on waitstaff is out... tables turning, but children, children everywhere!

It's commercial. It's silly and sentimental. Mom wins a craft, maybe breakfast. Women love thoughtful, romantic scenarios, but men and children are hard-pressed to deliver (goes back to that mind-reading bit). Our mass-production vendors are encouraged, the jewelry advertisements are endured, and we maybe-maybe-not allow ourselves to be exploited in the hubbub.

Or.

No matter the vehicle: a mass-produced gift; a careful, fragile preschooler's craft; or in my case, a sincere card mailed a day too late, it serves a noble cause: to tell Mom, not just "I love you," but, "I see you." It asks all of us, moms included, to acknowledge and honor motherhood especially for one day. Rather than gearing up for a day of entitlement (I used that word last post! Maybe I'm realizing an inner theme, hmm), or enduring well-intentioned acts of service gone messy (Braeden and Noah are a bit too young yet), an urge surfaces in me to scoop up my boys and thank them for making a Mama out of me. My friend Stephanie says when she becomes a mother, she wants one specific gift every Mother's Day: a photo of her kids, showing their progression through the years. Because as much as I want my kids to love me, and to express that -- why not? -- with creative genius, how real, how grand, to remember that I own this position, this charge to channel God's love with my own creative efforts? The cards, the restaurants -- hey, it's all good. The flower from the church parish? It's chivalrous. Whether my kids or husband even remember to commemorate the day, the main point is that I can, and I will. Make memories. Be blessed. I've been chosen for impact.

Plus, it's kinda fun seeing my husband's face when he realizes he forgot, and "owes me." Because he does. That's just another solid mark of marriage. Owing one another perpetually, the forgetting-and-remembering of it.

Enough of that. Here's what happened this past weekend: It was Jared's birthday! He got to care for the kiddos while I stayed in bed, taking vitamins and naps to fight off a bit of flu. We still had fun -- well-moderated. The funnest part came Sunday night, when Jared and I decided to place an order for a new custom electric guitar!!! He received his first graduation 2003, which was stolen a couple years ago. Every cash gift he's received since has gone to saving for the cause, including some thoughtful gift certificates. It is time to redeem them! He let me help choose the features, and lemme tell you, this guitar will be gorgeous! Built to be a show-offy monument after hard scholastic work, and representing the support of everyone who helped purchase it. It will be a prize.

Today -- shhh -- I'm making a Nutella and peanut butter sandwich for Jared, whom we will soon be picking up from work for a picnic! His family used to do that with my mother-in-law, but I'm betting without the Nutella. :) The weather is picture-perfect!

Mama Days

2009-05-13T09:25:00.011-05:00

Hello, my blog! I've missed you! My girl Maude helped me see that. Now... we've got Sesame Street on, and housework and laundry begging to be done, while Braeden takes his after-breakfast nap. (Wouldn't you love an after-breakfast nap?) This is the frequent dilemma. I love being a mama. But the profound blessing comes with, and in many ways from, the profound challenge. Braeden has taught me that when I'm testy, it comes from a delusion of entitlement (to immediate sleep, email, housework). I'm not entitled! I exist, rightly he sees, to serve and sustain his baby-self. So happens I'm investing in: the health and wellness of my son; my and Jared's future; and oh, only God's grand, unfolding universal order.

Same for marriage. Entitlement is this ridiculous, oh-so-tempting delusional notion. These days, there's not much going for me in the way of personal whimsy. Braeden and Jared are the key players this year. Noah gets next dibs. And if I "forget to remember" that these days are shaping our future, that my support is laying a launch-pad foundation for three essential boys (plus my own character development), I would go the way of disenchantment. (And yeah, this is even with Jared faithfully giving me Miller Outdoor Theater time, and Tuesday evenings to myself, Yea! ) I know I'm in good company with other mothers: profoundly impacting the world, seemingly through an endless assignment of diapers and dishes. And yet, this is some of the richest work I will ever do, loving these boys into a secure, kind, and confident outlook.

Now Braeden is calling. "Aaaaggghh!" Traslation, "Get me out of this crib! I'm awake! What are y'all doing? I wanna play, too! Get off the internet!" (Okay, that last part was just me.)

Two More!

2009-04-30T18:06:00.005-05:00

Suddenly, I can't shut off my camera!

Here are two more happy snapshots from this afternoon.

Half-a-Birthday for a Full-Size Brae-Brae

2009-04-30T10:30:00.004-05:00

Our Brae-Bear has six strong months under his belt! Soaking up life, finding new independence, and giving Mama a few fun photos. Here to share...

Palms-and-Toes

2009-04-23T09:46:00.005-05:00

My last post is boring. Our carpet was cleaned yesterday, and Braeden will be crawling in no time!
He's rocking, he's irritated that he can't crawl, and he's pushing himself all the way up to palms-and-toes. :)

Baptism Photos; This-and-That Update

2009-04-21T23:45:00.035-05:00

Oh, it's been a long time. Let's see, what has happened?...

- CARES is officially over for Team Gilliam. It's nice having some time for the kiddos, and to attend to matters of homekeeping. It was getting difficult there. I adored doing CARES with Noah. However, he was already a year old when we got started, and there was only one of him! Somebody asked me recently, not related to CARES, how I get the grocery shopping done. Sometimes it is so encouraging to have some casual sympathy!

- Easter came and went. I was struggling to find a way to explain Easter to Noah. He knows a lot, but what does Noah know about death? My mother-in-law taught him: "Jesus died. Jesus rose. Jesus will come again." That's why Easter is special. And the candy is festive, to celebrate. :) Speaking of candy: today Noah came and asked me if he could have a chocolate (from his Easter stash). I said, "You may have one piece." A few minutes later, I heard him telling Braeden, "H-E-R-S-H-E-Y-S. That spells 'chocolate!'" Ha-ha-ha!

- Jared's parents visited us Easter weekend. It was lovely to see them! Far too short a time, though.

- Jared has a committee meeting tomorrow, to present his progress. His boss thinks this isn't quite the right time to ask for permission to write, that he should do that next month. I'm fighting the temptation to say Grrr! All this supportive wife stuff is true. I do, and will, care for our children with cheerfulness, and I do, and will, spend nights and some weekends at home by myself. But I find myself getting a little resentful that I ain't got no huuusband. He gets it, though, and is understanding, and gives me a break when he can.

- Braeden was baptized on Easter! A few photos below, which my dad took, and I edited a little. Noah took his first communion on Easter, too. We had talked about it, and it was his decision. Yea! From Ben, who liked the argyle, which Noah himself had selected to wear on Easter.

- Something funny #1: I received a message on my cell phone from a Natalie, inviting me, Emily, to a surprise party. I couldn't think of any Natalies, and supposed it could have been a resident we had met through CARES. I called her back, trying to be tactful, and requested more information about the party. She said, "We're throwing a party for [some acronym]."
Realizing it was stupid question, but refusing to feel stupid, I asked, "What's [acronym]?"
"It's [some company]. Is this Emily with AIG?"
"No, I do not work with AIG."
"Oh, my gosh!"
... it was pretty funny. I was relieved to escape being a girl who could not remember her friends' names. She was a little embarrassed, and invited me to the party anyway! I declined, but upon reflection, think it may have been fun to dress up in professional attire, drink a few cocktails, and "network." Maybe land a job or two. Ya know.

My cell is registered in Jared's name, since it's a family plan. Who knows where she got the number!

- Something funny #2: I was driving by myself (I know!!), and came to a red light. An elderly man crossed the street in front of me. I declined to look at him, because pedestrians in our big city are often a spectacle, and I didn't want him to feel stared at. I only looked at him when we was close approaching; he made eye contact, and came to my window. He asked if he could have a lift to Kirby. He seemed quite aged, and was carrying bags, so I said yes. Turns out he is 73. The first thing he said is that I would get a gold star in my bible. I wasn't sure I liked that or not. Anyway, Mr. Andrew talked my ear off about two doctors he had complete faith in, saying they were revolutionaries in their field, well expanding the life spans of their patients. By the end of our conversation, he was trying to sell me $1,500 of stock representing an invention for a heart pump that sits on your nightstand and clips onto your skin. I was thoroughly unable to tell whether he was just a little silly, or truly trying to scam me.

- Something funny #3: I was in Borders today. A man began talking with me. A bit into the conversation, he asked if I am bookish. I said "very much," loving the word. He asked if I'm a teacher. I hesitated, then said, "I have two little boys at home; but I'm not a teacher professionally." I am so proud of myself for saying that! Yes, I am a teacher, to my special little fellows, and darn proud of it. It gets me wondering what kind of activity, and maybe profession, I'll pursue down the road. He started to back-track, I suppose not wanting me to feel insulted. I stopped him though, because it's a compliment! A high school English teacher of mine once did the same, saying she thought I'd be a good English teacher, but worrying I wouldn't like her saying so. What's not to like? I think I'd love it! English or History, and probably high school.

- I'm reading Infidel, a best-seller memoir by a woman who grew up in Islamic cultures across several African nations, including Somalia. Jared thinks my library habit is dangerous: because I can pre-select books, I choose carefully, and end up wanting to buy them. It's a good filtering technique, but he's right. This is such a heroic book. Girl grows up, experiencing life, remembering so much (I tend to forget the things I don't like), authentically reaching into her religious teaching. Discovers what she perceives to be contradictions, but continues to search. Rejects the teaching that women are to be subservient to men. Risks more than I can imagine by escaping to freedom and pursuing learning. I have not finished it, but it's amazing. The author is so brave, and the story is so genuinely told. It makes me want to read more about those parts of the world.

That's it for my quickie update. If I'm ever to even entertain being a teacher of English, you'd think I'd learn how to write in paragraphs. Here are my dad's photos:

Good Friday

2009-04-10T10:16:00.001-05:00

Click here for a valuable Good Friday contemplation from my Dad.

.

According to Noah

2009-04-06T19:06:00.008-05:00

I don't know when children commonly begin asking "Why?" a bazillion times a day. Noah isn't there, although I certainly am. I love asking him "why" and "how" questions, just to see what he'll say.

Actual conversation today:

Having just been playing with Braeden...
Mama: Why is Braeden special?
Noah: Because God made him.
Mama: That's right! Where did God make him? Did God make him in the store?
Noah: No. In Mama's tummy!
Mama: Yes!
Noah: And Bernadette got him out!
Mama: Yes! Noah, I'd like to tell you a secret.
Noah: Ooohh!
Mama: When Bernadette got Braeden out of Mama's tummy, Mama was in the bathtub!
Noah: (laughing) Just kidding!
Mama: No, it's true! Noah, where were you when Bernadette got Braeden out of Mama's tummy?
Noah: With Papa, playing a game.
Mama: (Pause.) No, you were with Eileen, having a slumber party!
Noah: Ooohh.
Mama: Do you remember the first time you saw Braeden?
Noah. Yes.
Mama: The first time you saw Braeden, what did he look like?
Noah: A baby.
Mama: Yes. He looks like a baby now, too. Now he is a big baby. When he was first born, he was a little baby. What else did he look like?
Noah: A flamingo.
Mama: How did he look like a flamingo? Did he have wings?
Noah: No; he was pink!

And there you have it. He does remember, and made the coolest comparison ever declared by a big brother. How I love my brother-boos.

Announcement

2009-04-01T21:36:00.015-05:00

A few weeks back, I received a call from an administrator at KIPP. He said the spots for Pre-K 4 had been filled by the current Pre-K 3 kids, plus a few student siblings. It sounded like they hadn't drawn at all from a lottery for incoming Pre-K 4 applicants. Today we got a letter from KIPP. "Official rejection," I said as I opened it. Actually, it reads, "We are happy to announce that your child has made the list of entering students...." How cool! I don't know where the change kicked in, but I'm happy to have it. I do know they consider the recommendations of current KIPP families, and a friend of ours has two children enrolled. It could be something else entirely; we'll find out in time. The letter said a home visit will take place. I'm excited about that! All educators should do (and be able to do) a home visit, and all parents should fully support and welcome them.

I am a bit nervous about Noah's Pre-K experience coming up: how much involvement will they grant me?; how deeply in the minority will Noah be, and how will that play out in his peer interactions? It could be for better or worse. Better would be they're too young to notice, and Noah learns comfort and respect among other races, and vise versa. Worse would be if teasing were involved. I pray Noah will be a vessel of blessing to his teachers and peers, that he will grow in insight and skill, and in confidence, compassion, and generosity. Does he really have to go? Oh, gosh. Parent observation days, I am counting on you already. I think I should start my list of questions for the home visit interview now.

How is it that this is good news, and I'm so nervous by it? I'm delighted, optimistic, and dreading it all at once. Kiddo, are we really going to let someone else teach you? Well. I need her birthday, her favorite cookie type, her (his?) career motivations, her political agenda. -- Okay, that last one may be a bit overzealous. Actually, KIPP teachers are given cell phones, and remain on-call every day until 7:00 p.m., my KIPP mommy friend tells me. Cool, huh? This is a big journey that's about to unfold. I'll need a place to write about it.

Braeden is a little under the weather. Some stomach irritation, and some mild respiratory ailment. Nothing big. But this is: we're trying to give him a bottle per day, to introduce the option of occassional babysitting. Jared's done that this week so far, with me isolating myself from Braeden's eye- and ear-shot. Today Braeden fed with me, then got sick, and I decided to offer additional fluid. I pulled out a bottle of dilluted juice, and he took it! From me! Me as in The Cow, because "the baby won't take the bottle from the cow." This is a major break-through! It's not about the juice, because we tried this exact thing a few weeks ago, and it was a flop. So yea!

Blue Bell, Bluebonnets

2009-04-01T10:30:00.024-05:00

Admittedly, it has been a long time since I've written. But to make up, I brought lots of pictures!

Monday was my birthday. It was serene and pleasant. Two of my girlfriends knocked on my door and surprised me with cake! Really good cake, too. Then on Tuesday, Jared took off work, and we drove up to Brenham, Texas to take the boys for a Blue Bell Creamery tour, and to find some bluebonnets. Lovely day, perfect for a drive. And bluebonnets we did find. Enjoy!

These are a little fuzzy, I think because I made them big.
If you click on an image, it'll blow up and be clear, for saving.

Blue Bell Creamery in Brenham, TX
(wikipedia photo)

Tour it; eat it.

Then run and play on a sugar boost.

Checkin' out the cream bucket.

I did give Braeden some. His first multiple-ingredient food!
Only a few drops. He loved it, of course.

My boys, looking cute and silly.

Picking a buttercup...

... for Mama

Pretty!

Braeden is now a confirmed Texas baby, with photo proof.

"I'm done, thanks."

A little pick-me-up.

The air smelled amazing! Their perfume is heavenly.

In the name of discovery, we allowed our baby to mangle half a flower.
It's illegal to pick them, and stepping on one is a serious offense.

Baby mangling, however, is -- I dunno, it seems there should be
allowance for a Texas Baby to observe a Texas Flower.

I tried a softening effect on the outer flowers.
You can see it better if you click to enlarge.

Mama-Me

One of my favorites.

I admit, I felt a bit guilty desaturated the color.
But it's so pretty. Jared took this one.

He took this one, too, exactly as you see it.
Mr. Science thinks the symmetry is cool.

Just a simple road-side field, arrayed in glory.

Noah!

Baby Brae

Going home after a long day.

Aikido Demo

2009-03-20T12:54:00.004-05:00

This is Jared's Aikido demo from last week. It was at 9 p.m., but I took the kiddos. We were advised to prep Noah so that he wouldn't be scared by all the slam-and-conquering. Yeah, right! He was giggling and cheering on his Papa. The next belt test will be for black, probably this winter. Woo-hoo!

Aikido is super-cool in that it repositions offensive force so to fall the attacker. You never have to throw a kick or a punch yourself. That in mind, Jared's attacker, Thad, was the one doing the hard physical work here.

Nice job, Hunny!

(More Aikido demos under the "Videos" tab on the left, if you're interested.)

St. Patrick's Day Short from Veggie Tales

2009-03-18T19:26:00.008-05:00

The below clip is a day late, but hey.

I've been trying to upload Jared's Aikido belt test, but it seems like a no-go. I'll have to figure out how to reduce to resolution, if that's possible. The 6-minute file seems too big for bloggersville.

Braeden is well. He had a bug, and now it's gone. He managed to grow during that 2-week period: not in weight, but in height, go figure. Just working on that "tallest baby on the planet" thing.

Noah did not get the lottery into the charter preschool. It turns out they had little lottery to give in the first place, with a big 3-year old class moving into the 4-year old spots. I'm thinking we'll do lots of counting and alphabet games on our own. "13, 14, 15" has been tricky, because they sound so similar. We're working on it, though! My favorite thing is taking Noah shopping, because there's so much to see and talk about!

Short story: the other day, we were at Target, and he saw something on the shelf:
"What's that?"
"That looks like a game." (A frisbee game, and I didn't have time to discuss.)
"Yeah. We don't need it."

Ha-ha-ha! What a cool little kiddo.

Provocative Book

2009-03-06T15:52:00.007-06:00

I often think of fun things to write about, but by the time the baby is asleep, the kitchen is clean, I've taken a shower, and Noah is occupied, my mind is too foggy to think of a darn thing.

Here's something:
I'm reading a book recommended by a friend, Jesus For President. It's been challenging me to rethink some of the fundamental ways I've been building my life, and I'm a little daunted - but also excited! - about the areas that need reform. "Areas" isn't even correct, because this is a whole new way of thinking. Takes me out of the tidy demographic box I had slipped into. I don't have the guts to elaborate right now, and I'm strangely sleepy at 4:03 p.m. But it's a good, provocative book. I wish I could have a big discussion series on it with our friends. :)

Baby Marker

2009-03-05T22:32:00.011-06:00

All that excitement about Braeden being big? It's over. No more boasting. I am no longer the sustenance provider claimer-to-be-er of a 17-pound manchild. Braeden is eating with a spoon. As of Wednesday night. Rice cereal, which Doc said we could start well-diluted from the bottle. We went spoon instead.

It's a good thing. I was constantly hungry, even headachy, and probably teetering on the end of my capacities. Noah was six, not four, months when we started cereal. Things are different with Version 2.0*!

*Jared's inventive name for Braeden. At first it offended me, because I thought 2.0 represented a more advanced model, acting as commentary of our learn-as-we-go parenting. Jared clarified: If that were so, it would be Version 1.2; this is a new figure entirely, thus 2.0. By the way: yesterday Noah came up with his own pet-name for Braeden: Tummy Bear. Isn't that cute?!

Alessandra Ferri, Sting music video

2009-03-05T21:41:00.006-06:00

Alessandra Ferri, retired principal dancer of American Ballet Theatre, and Sting playing Bach.

I found this on YouTube; it is too special not to share. (And those feet are impossible!)

Noah's Wife

2009-03-04T13:11:00.006-06:00

I read a story to Noah today about the biblical Mary and Joseph. Pointing to the illustrations, I said, "Mary is Joseph's wife." Then, because I wasn't sure whether Noah had ever heard the word, I added, "Mama is Papa's wife." And just to see what he would say, I asked, "Do you have a wife?" He thought for a moment, then smiled and reported, "Braeden." It was such a sweet statement of companionship, I decided to save the corrective information for another day.

Braeden = Big!

2009-03-03T14:13:00.006-06:00

Braeden had his 4-month pediatrician visit today. This is newsworthy because he was reported in the 97% percentile for height! So said the nurse. The doctor pumped it up to 100%, meaning 100% of babies are shorter than Braeden. HA! I have the biggest baby on the planet! His weight is a high percentile also, though not by as much. I'll say it out loud, that the midwife birth and breastfeeding are some of my proudest accomplishments. Neither was particularly easy (though yes, I had less postpartum recovery, and yes, I don't have to carry bottles everywhere we go), but they're so worth it to me! I am so darn proud of my hefty Chunky Monkey. He's a strong one, too! My baby could beat up all the other babies... except for that he's a sweet little baby, of course, and innocence is the mark of babydom.

4-Player Quick Update

2009-02-26T23:06:00.005-06:00

- Jared's looking good, school-wise! 2009 seems to be his last year. Lots of work is going into making this happen, perhaps even earlier than December. He thinks he'll earn his black belt this year, too.

- I cut my finger. It is far too embarrassing to elaborate, other than that it had a confrontation with a kitchen appliance. I'll only say it wasn't the mandolin -- the mandolin is far too artful a kitchen tool to be involved in such violence. This one will take a while to heal, and baby care has an interesting twist.

- Noah is the sweetest 3-year old gentleman! I am charmed to be his current lady. He's very inquisitive about the origin of things, and asks me where each of his toys and books came from. This means we talk about family and friends all the time!

- Braeden is so baby-beautiful, it makes me teary. He's stronger than his brother was, and seems a bit more opinionated, though still gentle and calm. And he can hold things! Let's see if I can get a photo or video soon.

Realities, Hungry No. 23

2009-02-22T19:26:00.010-06:00

23. As important as fresh onesies and diapers, travel with power snacks! I fancied a shower over breakfast today, and was rushing to get Noah to church in time for class. Two nursings later, my blood sugar level tanked, and we left the service in search of a sandwich and smoothie. It was not fun: sick mamas make rotten carers of fussy babies. Jared was on overload, and forgot the diaper bag at Central Market! The saga is over: I feel better; Braeden is napping; the diaper bag is safely home (with my wallet inside). I will buy granola bars tonight. Normal, crazy stuff.

Mama Realities, Exposed

2009-02-20T17:03:00.008-06:00

Here are some of the things motherhood has taught me recently:

1. Yoga pants are FABULOUS! They're like pajamas you can wear to the market. Every mom-of-baby should have this luxury.

2. I am not a nice person. I am impatient and selfish... even if I was at my best just three seconds ago. God's grace is the best thing I know.

3. Along those lines, sibling rivalry exists in my head! I get so tempted to frustration when Braeden needs me, but Noah interferes with an also "immediate crisis." Same in reverse, oddly, like when I was getting ready for Noah's Pre-K interview yesterday, and Braeden kept interjecting. This is what patience was made for. And trial produces perseverance, which produces character, yes? Yes?

4. Showering is a gift from heaven! When you are pregnant, buy a happy-scented bath gel. Set it aside. After your baby arrives, daily (um, or less) escapes to the shower will feel like exotic vacation time!

5. The library is a nursing mom's best friend. Ordering books on-line makes your trips quick, and now you have something to occupy you in the 4th Trimester, when Baby is still attached to your person.

6. Nursing bras are overrated: other things work just as well. Never buy an underwire; it increases the likelihood of mastitis, which results in inflammation and flu-like symptoms, and, if left untreated, can ultimately require surgery. I thought I was getting the flu, but it was mastitis, and a prescription made me better.

7. The sun, as all good scouts know, has high-quality disinfectant capacities! And it's free! That fascinating little fact I learned from cloth diapering. Three months into the Bum Genius, and we're still loving it. We've saved over 630 disposables! I've haven't calculated the expense savings yet.

8. Baby products are not always made in your baby's best interest. The cosmetic industry taught me that, and my two pediatricians emphasized it. Baby wipes can irritate skin (baby washcloths with water or skin-friendly spray are good substitutes), and mineral oil, the main ingredient in most baby lotions, prevents skin from breathing. It's crazy when baby doctors tell you to stay away from baby brand products.

9. New moms really do need hibernation. Mentally, emotionally, physically, some of the most impacting, demanding, and well, messy, work ever is going on. This is just to say that space and low expectations (and supper!) are the marks of true friendship during this time.

10. New dads are protective. Do not cross a new father. :)

11. Olive oil is great during the newborn meconium days! Put it right on Baby's bum.

12. If a good friend wishes to hold your newly born baby, it's a nice mini-break. This only applies to good friends, so evaluate accordingly.

13. Non-moms, unfortunately, don't always know the etiquette/hygiene rule: When touching a baby, stay away from hands and face, unless you have Mom's express permission. Too many strangers (with visibly dirty hands, I am not exaggerating!) have come and stuck their finger in my baby's fist. Which he soon sucks.

14. I've had two people ask to hold my baby, and then they walked off with him, without telling me! In one case, Braeden was only a few weeks old. In the other, it was a woman I didn't even know! Ack! I don't recommend this.

15. New moms don't need to entertain. That's just the way it is, and should be, for all of time. Sadly, not everyone realizes this.

16. A little wine can be good for you! The relaxing quality promotes let-down in the first nursing days. It's a really good alternative to Tylenol, too.

17. Nine months up, nine months down, when it comes to pregnancy weight gain and loss. Nursing, so I've heard and willingly accept, triggers your body that fat retention is super-important these days. You can loose the baby fat when Little One goes mobile.

18. Breastfeeding is sleep-inducing. I suppose it's the Oxytocin, and my well-read friend backs me up. Neither Mom nor Baby can escape this powerful force of hormone reality.

19. Some moms love nursing; some moms don't. I definitely don't. But it truly does get better, if you make it through the first few weeks. "These are the longest days and the shortest years," right? And now I have a pudgy Chunky Monkey! He's bigger than Noah was, and stronger, too!

20. Granola bars and Chick-fil-A drive-through service may not have been designed for moms-of-babies, but they may as well have been.

21. Little feminine touches go a long way in morale boosting: with Noah it was lipstick, just to remind me the world was bigger than spit-up; with Braeden it was toenail polish, speedily applied while he slept. Flowers are especially sweet. (Thank you, Maude!)

22. New moms love sugar. I'm coming to see this as a universal truth.

That's it for me, for now. Comment to contribute. Happy weekend!

Late Night Rambling, probably not worth the read

2009-02-14T00:33:00.012-06:00

Why the internet is the coolest thing ever1:

1.) Today I enjoyed a great back-and-forth dialog with Cari, a friend of my sisters who lives in Lubbock. It was fun talking with her! She's a photography student, and showed me one of her pieces, which is knock-out quality. The point is, she's my sisters' friend, not mine, so I'd never call or write her. Internet lets it be casual, and causal opens doors. And only internet allows instant photo transfer.

2.) In my school days, if you wanted a book, you went to the library, looked in the card catalog, selected a title, then proceeded to whichever branch had it available. Today I get a title in mind or look one up through a search engine or amazon. I place an order on the library's website. If my branch doesn't have the book, it's shipped to them and I get an email. I spend five minutes collecting my books, which have been filed under my name. This is priceless for the mom-icity of my life right now, and guarantees I always have something interesting to read. Love it! And it's free!

3.) I can watch TV when I want to. Before we had reception, I discovered hulu.com. Now we have reception, and I still go to hulu to see shows when I want to, rather than when they air.

4.) Recipes. Thousands of recipes.

5.) Shopping like never before. Nothing is too obscure, especially if you learn to auction.

6.) Research capacity. Information is neatly consolidated, and you can discover so much by surfing the right places. Cloth diapering, local public, private, and charter preschooling, and midwife childbirthing have been my recent research projects. Where would I be without the ocean of internet applications?

7.) It offers fun screen time. Which is exactly why I'm at all bothering to write about what everyone probably knows already. It is 1:23 a.m. on Saturday morning, and Jared's at the lab (with my blessing, y'all). I usually like to stay up for him, because I'm a night bug and look forward to his home coming. With God's blessing, it seems Jared may be doing the last experiment procedure of one of his projects right now! That's HUGE!

1 Yes, I do reserve the right to talk like I'm still in high school. I'd make the number superscript, but blogger has it's fortmatting limitations. This is also why I never underline book and movie titles.

Hold On, Little One

2009-02-13T22:03:00.004-06:00

Braeden has started reaching out and taking hold of my hand when I put it in front of him. Yesterday I tested his skill by offering a wood teether. He reached for it, eventually found and grasped it, and held it by himself! Today he repeated with a different toy, even making exchanges between his hands... all by himself. Noah is quick to offer assistance, though. He's so happy to watch Braeden grow; it's wonderful, and more than I dared to anticipate. I'm so proud of my Baby Grunchkin!

Photo Play

2009-02-12T21:56:00.003-06:00

I found a great photo editing website, picnik.com. For big changes I still use an installed program, but this site is fun (and easy, and free) to play with. The below represent one of my favorite settings, the "CinemaScope." I love the effect! The photos are from Bandera, Texas, at Christmas a few years back. Except the butterfly: he's from the garden at our zoo. Isn't he pretty?

Pre-Qualified, redefined; Pleasant Places

2009-02-11T15:42:00.010-06:00

The school I'm hoping Noah will get into for Pre-K called me today. They said Noah is pre-qualified. Woo-hoo! Wait, there's more. I have an appointment with the school, and need to supply a handful of documents. Social security card, proof of residency, immunization chart... I kid you not, I was hoping they'd ask me to bring a sample of Noah's letterwork or art, but that didn't come up. Anyways. The lady on the phone explained that the lottery has not yet taken place. This requirement is to ensure that only the real-potential applications go in the pot. Wait! I thought you said he was "pre-qualified!" Sounds like this is a pre-qualification procedure, and my son is pre-qualified for a big Nothing Yet. Unless Noah has gained special pre-qualification to submit his proof of residency. Do you know what I'm saying? Am I wrong here? This is coming from the school I hope will educate my child.

I'm definitely still hoping to get in. It's pre-K, and this seems a simple enough miscommunication. After many hours of research, phone calls, note-taking, mom-chatting, and school touring, it seems we may not even be in Houston for a full school year! A semester would be worth it, though.

I have not done Pleasant Places for awhile. It's Wednesday, so let's have a go:

1.) ... to have an interactive baby! Braeden is "getting it together" inside his little head. He's processing information and gaining a better grasp on life. That probably sounds silly, but it is making my motheirng so much easier! He's beginning to reach for my hand, look around, "talk," and he's keeping up that smiling bit. Fun!

2.) ... to not be affected by the Peanut Butter Health Scandal, except for seeing it in the news. I'll be cocky to say I'd already switched to "health food" peanut butter (ingredients: peanuts+salt), and also try to give Noah minimal processed snacks. We're eating peanut butter like we don't even own a television. It's cool.

3.) ... the status of Jared's work! His two projects are making strong headway. It seems he'll be able to publish two papers, possibly more, within a few months of each other! The data is so favorable, and the timing couldn't be better. Now that's a Woo-hoo!

We're hosting a fun Valentine's event on Saturday evening. Little boxes of chocolates, sparkling cider, and The Princess Bride. Low-key, but sweet. There's always room for volunteers, if you need some Inigo Montoya time!

Closing Thoughts

2009-02-10T02:57:00.014-06:00

CARES closure happy thoughts:

- I'll have all kinds of time on my hands! 70 more hours per month, to be exact, between the both of us. I have some projects I'm looking forward to!

- Fridays and Saturdays to ourselves. This means date nights and family time, even outings!

- We've had a good long run of three years, and have learned so much along with way. Lifelong friendships, cohesiveness as a married couple, and a new understanding of community outreach and relational evangelism are the golden bricks we'll always have in our satchel from this wealth of experience.

- I went from never having planned an event in my life, to having planned approx. 4 per month, times 34 months! Anyone need a party recipe? Sometimes I feel like the Party Planning Princess.

- All of the relationship blessings are ones we get to keep. :)

_____________________

CARES closure sad thoughts:

- This has simply come to define a portion of who we are. So much time has gone into it, but also so much heart. Training, prayer, and focus have molded us into a team, and it's a painful adjustment to mold out.

- We attended a monthly Apartment Life meeting tonight. How I will miss the connection with other teams!

- It still stinks to leave on a down note. It's much more fun to leave something that's been happy and fulfilling! I'm thankful we've been able to experience both. The happy is encouraging and emboldening; the not-so-much is humbling and grounding. There's true providence and balance in the combination.

_____________________

One more happy thought: Although we're dropping the title, CARES has trained us in a life-long function. This happy clam introvert has plenty of practice reaching out to strangers, diving into deep conversation, and breaking the ice through the gift of chocolate coffee punch. Though without the reporting and expense budget, we'll be walking this road for a lifetime! That is something to be eternally grateful for. The confidence and intentionality are things I'll gratefully carry forever.

Baby Brae, 3 months

2009-02-06T07:56:00.005-06:00

Here are the latest of Noah and Braeden!
Click on a collage to see it enlarged.

Good Things

2009-02-05T16:58:00.009-06:00

It seems to me a thankfulness installment is appropriate:

- I think the apartment thing is gonna work out.

- Jazzercise is starting to be fun! I'm getting through the this-is-killing-my-wimpy-body stage, and starting to enjoy it. If I get to bed reasonably, I can make the 6 a.m. class, when the kiddos are asleep. It may sound nuts to wake up early when I'm doing nighttime feedings, but the adults-only hour (even the drive!) are very rewarding. I spent so much of my pregnancy feeling like the ultimate slug, and it's wonderful to be active again.

- A friend surprised me today with two AD Players tickets and babysitting! As the mother of a newborn herself, she's the best babysitter, because she knows the ropes afresh. (I'm not quite ready to leave Braeden with a sitter, but she's a great exception.) I love the AD Players, and am so jazzed! What a beautiful gift.

- Kristi's coming for dinner tonight -- black bean soup -- and she's bringing chocolate. Chocolate, The Office, and Kristi. Pretty cool, huh?

Braeden is voicing that blogging is no longer an acceptable use of my time. Gotta go. :)

Not So Fretful

2009-02-05T08:52:00.003-06:00

I fretted, and got it out of my system. I'm confident that Jared wants the best, and has my heart as a big part of that equation. I'll talk with our property manager today and see what he says.

Small Vission Blues

2009-02-04T22:44:00.009-06:00

We "forgot to remember" that when you apply to rent an apartment (even if you already live in it), said apartment wants to be sure you can afford it, and so they ask your income. Jared and I applied today. I got a sweet call from my leasing agent friend a few hours later, wanting to confirm the data supplied. I said "Yes, that's correct; Jared's a student." We don't qualify. We actually have funds coming, but the CARES cancellation is surprise information to us, and we won't have that balance for a month or so. I don't know what's going to happen. We have two months to convince Present Residence we're not a risk, or to convince someone else we're not a risk. Meanwhile, I really, really, pretty please, do not to move. I'm tired of moving. I want a home, with things I've arranged, and pictures on the walls, and an oven I'm familiar with. We spent a lot of effort, and a bit of cash, to make this apartment a functioning, happy place to live. I hate the thought of leaving, especially to be somewhere only six to nine months before we move again. It would be our fifth apartment home in six years of marriage! And Noah -- he's resilient and cheerful, but I so prefer for him to remain rooted, at least until we make a more permanent change. I'm fizzled out, and I'm moping, I know that. And just hours ago I was talking with Jared about how God has always provided for us, and that we needed to take things step by step, trusting Him with the big picture.

...CARES Conclusion

2009-01-30T10:59:00.033-06:00

So... it's ending! March will be our last month as a CARES Team, giving us a near-three-year run. When we moved in last year, we committed 18 months. Our property manager, whom we like and respect, decided to let it go six months early. Ike hit the area hard, and he's looking to cut expenses as they pay down reconstruction. CARES hasn't had tremendous impact here, so it seems a simple decision.

Funny enough, when we told a close friend on Wednesday night, instead of saying, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," she starting clapping! There's a friend who knows my heart. I've loved the Apartment Life ministry, and I'm impassioned about the good that flows through it. We've grown tremendously by being a CARES Team, and have come into lasting, meaningful relationships with residents. We've seen prayers answered and encouragement flow. On the business side, our Westcreek manager credited the program with building resident satisfaction at no staff effort (yea!). We came away from our Westcreek heart-investment prepared to give the same here, but it was unsuccessful. That's been burdensome: is it me (laziness)?; is it corporate policy (restrictions)?; is it circumstance (pregnancy, budget)?; is it spiritual (warfare)? Maybe a mix. My enthusiasm has gone up and down. We're gaining some event success due to changes made with the new manager, but still I don't feel we're representing CARES the way it's meant to be.

So although it's sad to be "pruned off," we feel this has been lifted off our shoulders. With strong determination from the both of us, Jared may be able to complete his graduate work in six to eight months! That's five years of work, two children, precision grocery budgeting, and 60-80 hour work weeks. We're so excited to be finishing!!! It is time, time, time for a vacation. Relinquishing CARES helps us to surge forward. Jared can pour himself into lab progress, and I can allow him that freedom by my pouring myself into home and children, no distractions. (Except Saturday mornings... my husband is brilliant at letting me run off on my own for those hours.) CARES has fortified and unified our marriage in extraordinary ways. Its end, however, will afford us some quiet minutes together, which will drink up like thirsty camels.

Apartment Life offered to place us with a different community, but we're unable to recommit for the months required... because after graduation, moving out-of-state is a very real possability. We're looking at all the options: post-grad work, immediate career start, government, pharmaceutical, pretty much everything except long-term academia. I think we like governement the best. This decision impacts so much of our potential future; it's really exciting! I'm enormously fortunate to be married to such a talented, dedicated, and purposeful man. Not to mention thoughtful. We're having at-home date night tonight, and I want to pull out Shenandoah, my friend Janie's favorite movie. It's a Jimmy Stewart Western. I'm awfully picky with my movies, but I trust Janie's taste so thoroughly (and Jimmy Stewart's never let me down), that I went ahead and bought it at half.com. :)

Happy weekend!

CARES-ing, 2006-present

2009-01-29T21:18:00.040-06:00

May of 2oo6, Jared and I, with our one-year old Noah, moved into Westcreek Apartments in the Galleria area. We moved in representing Apartment Life, a non-profit organization devoted to community building and relational ministry. As a CARES (Community Activities and Resident Services) Team, Jared and I become hospitality coordinators and event planners for Westcreek, committing 80 hours per month between the two of us. Westcreek provided an event planning budget and our apartment unit, along with fantastic opportunity to build friendships with residents along the way.

Initially we had a huge spending budget, the cooperative efforts of a second CARES Team (Cindy and Clayton, woo-hoo!), a blissfully accommodating club room, and 1,200 residents to serve. We were advised to host fancier events, which I took to heart. I used to joke with Cindy that I felt like an honorary caterer. -- And to my pleasure, sometimes our residents mistook our meals as having been caterer-prepared. Not to Jared's, though. There's a funny story about him coming home after a tiring work day, smelling grilled chicken way down down the hall. The smell got stronger as he came nearer, until he painfully realized he was approaching the chicken-smelling chaos that was his home. -- We were granted lots of flexibility to creatively run the program, but with the accountability and training of Apartment Life; it was so much fun!

Almost a year into it, I realized I'd been too consumed with the event aspects, and needed to refocus the bulk of my energies onto direct relationships. We revamped our program. The events were still fun, but rather than cooking all day for large dinners, we would host simpler parties, and supplement them by visiting with residents at home. My favorite ongoing activity was the Ladies' Reading Club. We had a blast talking together! The group met in my apartment, which means I had the fun of playing up the hospitality and really trying to love on the women.

Things changed a bit, to where Jared and I were the only CARES Team serving Westcreek. Jared had always taken public transportation to and from work, which was dreadfully unpredictable. We could have a 7:00 p.m. event, but there'd be no way of ensuring he'd be home in time to help. This compounded the problem that we were seriously missing out on private time within our marriage. Evenings and weekends were filled by CARES responsibilities, or our wonderful residents friends, or the time it took to navigate through public transportation, and we were running into the end of our capacities. Jared was working overtime torwards his degree, trying to close in towards completion. We were offered a property very close to Jared's workplace, and knew our time at Westcreek was short anyway -- rumors of demolition had existed since we first moved in, and lease renewals began to include 60-day notice clauses to allow for construction implementation.

Westcreek gave a good-bye I'll always remember, and we moved to where we are now. The commute problem vanished: it takes Jared 15 minutes to get home on the light rail! However, we've never gotten our CARES program off the ground in a way we can be truly proud of. We've been here ten months now, and have had three different property managers. Corporate policies prevent us from extending ourselves to residents. I also went through pregnancy fatigue and Braeden's newborn stage, which were hugely consuming. Our apartment unit isn't a suitable visiting spot, which has been different and awkward. However, we are so grateful for the honor of serving and living here, and have been learning how to mold our program so that it benefits this community specifically.

If you're still with me, all of this reflection has a destination. But I'm off to bed for now, and will get there in my next post. See ya!

Three Months!

2009-01-29T10:56:00.007-06:00

My mother-in-law has a good point. Many years later, she still remembers the first time she heard a Christian pray sincerely, from the heart. It opposed the rigid and impersonal nature of what she had previously known prayer to be. Thus she believes Christians shouldn't restrain themselves when it comes to prayer, but pray naturally in Jesus' name. A byproduct for a non-participant can be insight into true Christian faith, which itself confronts false understandings and misrepresentations.

On another level....

Braeden is three months old today! Tomorrow he will be no longer a newborn, no longer in his "4th trimester," but a regular old baby. It's sad and exciting all at once: sad that he's transforming beyond this beautiful, squish-ilicious stage; exciting that soon we'll all be getting more sleep.

Questioning "In Jesus Name"

2009-01-27T12:21:00.022-06:00

My favorite dance company, Ad Deum, is offering classes, and a Jewish dancer friend decided to attend. Ad Deum is a Christian company, and Rachel asked me about them. I encouraged her to try it out, and said that if they included any religious aspects, I trusted they would do so respectfully.

So she tried a contemporary class. And she enjoyed it. She said they prayed at the opening of class, "in His name," not directly Jesus', so she was okay with it. And that's got me thinking....

One one hand: Rachel encountered a groups of Christian students once as she was walking through her college campus. They were handing out literature, and she declined to take one. As she walked on, one of the students called after her, "Jesus loves you!"

Clearly, that was immature and disrespectful, lacking the very love proclaimed. As a rather bold representative of Christianity, the student imparted a careless message onto Rachel, which I learned from. It's awfully wrong to throw Jesus' name around. We honor Christ through honoring people, and allowing them room to be themselves. By omitting Jesus' name, the class prayer seemed to do that, and respect for Rachel inclines me to be appreciative.

On the other hand: What does the pronoun represent? Isn't clarity, simple authenticity, better? I read a story recently about two women who traveled in a foreign country. After obtaining permission, they prayed for the physical healing of a civilian in Jesus' name. The healed individual later returned, asking who this Jesus was to whom they had prayed. In a different, more general, context, Rachel already knew what "His name" represented. The company is Christian, hosting an open class. Should they have worshiped God-in-Jesus despite mixed company, or was it better to restrain due to the open nature, for those who differ? When you're sold out to someone, you boast in it! I talk about Jared all the time (and wonder if it wears down my friends). I've been talking about my midwife, Bernadette, ever since Braeden was born! Leaving Jesus behind a pronoun doesn't express the passion and enthusiasm that marks zealous discipleship... or maybe it does, in placing the premium on gentleness and hospitality.

So the conclusion is... I don't know. I'm leaning towards supporting the pronoun; but as a grammar lover, I still think it's silly to leave the noun undefined. If you have an opinion, I'd love to hear it! I didn't catch whether evangelical leader Rick Warren prayed in Jesus' name at the non-evangelical Inauguration. Hmm.

New Exercise

2009-01-15T11:19:00.014-06:00

I take back what I wrote about Mrs. Obama. It's only the private quarters she's redecorating, not the public rooms. I wouldn't suggest that anyone be required to sleep surrounded by their predecessor's bedroom decor.

I took an exercise class yesterday! My pregnancy was so fatigued, and I've spent about a year not doing much at all. 45 minutes of aerobic activity was getting to me, but, unlike the past, I wasn't risking pushing myself too hard. As that thought rattled around (while I was bopping around), I realized, "I have nothing to prove to anyone, ever again!: I had a baby, naturally, by choice. You know, I should be exempt from exercise." The evening Braeden was born, Jared said he reserved the right to inflict teenage Braeden with, "do you know what your mother went through for you?"* I didn't think I'd come to use it so soon, though! This is all in my silly head. And if I didn't exercise, in the end I would be pretty lame, clinging to a single moment of accomplishment to justify a lazy life.

It is actually really complicated to have an exercise routine when the baby is two months! I have not figured it out at all -- I just have a monthly EFT to the fitness place, and the knowledge that I must get active. The details are a mess. We'll work through it. Braeden compels me. The birth and the nursing make me feel more responsible to take care of my health so I can take care of his. I did not feel this association with Noah; sure, I needed energy, but he was less dependent on my health. It's interesting to compare.

* For the record, I don't intend to use that cause against Brae. 1.) It's not in good taste, because no matter what mistakes Braeden may make growing up, the day he was born is one of the biggest blessings I've ever received, and 2.) I believe babies work just as hard on their birth days as their mothers do. They just don't remember it as well.

Good Reads 2008

2009-01-14T07:36:00.011-06:00

Grammie Gilliam (and all grandparents)... I posted a Braeden video under the baby shower photos. Just wanted to make sure you saw the smiles.

2008 was a fantastic year for me in the way of reading. I don't think I've read such a great list since I was in grade school! (I was a geeky, loyal fan of the Required Reading List.) This voluntary selection is even better. Most were recommendations. And now I pass my favorites onto you.

The Eyre Affair, by Jasper Fforde fantastic literary sci-fi, spinning off the classic Jane Eyre

The Glass Castle, by Jeanette Walls beautiful, gently written memoir about poverty in America as experienced by a child/adolescent

Love Walked In, by Marisa De Los Santos effortless, poetic, and tangible, this is my favorite fiction of the year, maybe the decade!

Same Kind of Different As Me, by Ron Hall and Denver Moore a two-author memoir. I borrowed it, and later bought it, knowing I'd read it every few years. This is the most awesome memoir I've ever read.

Pushed, by Jennifer Block a fascinating research and expose piece about childbirth in America. I read halfway through, then started over with a pencil in-hand: this book makes me want to take a course on American Women's History! It taught me so much about the modern midwife/obstetrician debate, fitting consistently with my own experience.

Sacramental Magic In a Small-Town Cafe, by Peter Reinhart a little book I found at Half-Priced (in the bargain section, no less!). It follows the author's adventure in running a cafe, sharing recipes and underscoring the ministry aspect of preparing meals for individuals.

On another front (I just saw this in the news), why is Michelle Obama hiring a decorator for the White House at a time when Pres. Elect Obama is going after $350 billion for bail-out purposes? I know it's the White House, but costly changes entertaining personal preferences send a lavish and disrespectful message in the current economy.

Noah is watching two exquisite Cuban ballet dancers on Sesame Street. They're dancing Lambarena in hoop earrings and pointe shoes. I think I'd like to become a Lambarena fan... let's see if I can find a youtube demo.

Baby David's Shower!

2009-01-10T19:25:00.018-06:00

The most pictures ever in a single blog entry! Our friends Ben and Amy had been
expecting their first child exactly two months following our own due date.

This is their very-fun shower at Chris and Eileen's house.

Guess-the-baby-food contest. Expectant Dad here seemed
to enjoy the specimens more than any other contestant.

Marital teamwork at its best? That all depends on whether Chris can
bypass Eileen's chin and get the sampling actually in her mouth. :)

"People feed their children this?!"

Cuties! (Eddy back there, too.)

Dave and Janet

Brooke and Andrew brave a turn.

Amy looking very cute.

Love the candid faces!

Ben sharing his thoughts on the ways of vicious animals?

Authentic English Peter Rabbit cup!

What distinguishes a coed Baby Shower from the girlie type?
Beer, of course. Only the best for this group of fellows.

Quilt made by Amy's mom, for her first grandbaby!

The real photojournalist: Emily, Amy's sister.

Eileen's hidden talent... isn't her diaper cake beautiful?

Some schmucks came up with this quilt. I totally love it!

Playing with Baby's new toys.

Charlie. Gotta love him for unwittingly
providing the photo opportunity.

Eddy and Jen

Little love.

Something about the Super Bowl...?

Eileen and I'd been wondering if it was even possible to embarrass Ben.
Photo documentation says Yes! We love you, Amy!

Braeden, where he well belongs with Eileen.

He's three days old in this photo! For some reason,
my camera kept rotating its way towards him.

Playmate on reserve.

And now... Baby David is a few weeks old, and (we like to think) enjoying
his well-stocked nursery with Mom and Dad. Well done, everyone.

Braeden (2 Months) and Papa

2009-01-10T14:40:00.015-06:00

I love this! Braeden is becoming more interactive all the time. Fabulous smiles towards the end of this video -- you can practically see the development as it happens! Plus, Jared's silly fatherhood antics are on display. In his defense, as if he needs one, you can consider this to be the milder side of things people will do to get a baby smiling. That would be Noah's dinosaur behind Braeden, with it's legs and tail sticking up.

Christmas

2009-01-02T07:49:00.010-06:00

Brae on Christmas Day

Cozy with Grandpa Eric

Jared loves the naps the holidays afford; Braeden does, too.

Christmas this year (last year? Happy New Year, people!) was different. In the past, Jared and I, usually in Midland, have stolen away to a late-night service. "It ain't really Christmas unless there's a midnight service," is the tradition we've allowed to be written on our hearts. I only call them "midnight" services because sometime, usually right at the close, you peek at your watch and realize it's officially Christmas Day. I used to get a thrill out of it when I was a kid. Still do.

This year, Jared took Noah to the afternoon children's service. I stayed home with Braeden to avoid manuevering him (still just eight weeks) through the commotion. Then I crept off with my girlfriend Kristi for the midnight service while Jared stayed home with both sleeping boys. I considered snatching Braeden up for snuggle-time to celebrate the momentous occasion, but relented, knowing he needed his trusty routine. So we Gilliams had a split Christmas Eve! I used to lean on thinking that Jared and I needed to be together always, especially for big stuff like this. As an old married woman, I now know that a confident marriage doesn't fret -- it doesn't need to -- when husband and wife operate seperately. Funny that it felt strange to be at my home church on Christmas! I've grown accustomed to the services in Midland. "O Holy Night" solos aren't as grand, and the rally of church-goers isn't as busy; but the quiet sincerity has such a loveliness, filling small Texas temples on Christmas Eve Night. As exquisite and happy as the SJD service was, I missed the little Anglican church tradition.

Christmas morning my parents came to visit. We had tamales and cranberry muffins for breakfast while we opened presents. Jared and I gave Noah ten Matchbox cars, which we had wrapped individually and hidden throughout the apartment. Most he opened in the morning: we'd say "Hey, Noah, look on the bookshelf!" We had also placed them in the bathtub and the like, for him to discover through the course of the day. It was so much fun! Each time, he actually looked more surprised, especially with that last one, tucked under his pillow. :)

Christmas Photo, 2008

2008-12-23T21:52:00.002-06:00

Not-Opening Christmas Presents

2008-12-16T14:08:00.007-06:00

Jared got a package from Fed-Ex yesterday, and because he swiped it away, I knew it was my Christmas present. This morning, he hands me the box and says, "Open it." I'm confused, but he's plenty sure of himself, so I comply. It's a wrapped box! The teaser had me not-open my Christmas present from a cardboard box to a pretty one. Is that fair?

Braeden got vaccinations today, so no Polio in his future. He's up to 90 percentile in weight! 11 pounds, 14 ounces; that's a 12-ounce gain in only a week!

Christmastime Poll

2008-12-13T20:47:00.010-06:00

Fill me in...

- What's your favorite Christmas song? (Include recording, if applicable.)

- What's your favorite Christmastime movie?

If it's hard to narrow down to a single favorite, don't! Both spiritual and secular apply.
To share, click "comments" below.

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Everyday Photos

2008-12-13T10:06:00.006-06:00

Braeden with his Grammie, who, with Grandpapa, came to visit Thanksgiving week.

Grammie bathed the animals who had accumulated Ike repair dust.
Noah thought it was hilarious!

Jared and I discovered this one morning.

Noah, 3 1/2 years old

Requisite bath photo. Doesn't he look comfy?

Squishy Boo

Extra Squishy

Magnet Week

2008-12-12T22:07:00.024-06:00

It's been way too long! I've been thinking of things I'd like to write, but it seems I never have both hands free at the same time.

My husband's sister Joy, and her husband (of one year!) Nate, are in town for the weekend. They're here for a few projects, but we're getting time with them, too. Tonight we had dinner together. So glad to see them!!!

Drum roll, please....

Today, Jared and I have been together for eleven years! How cool is that?!

I've been touring HISD magnet schools this week, and learning a lot. For instance:

-at R Elementary, a wonderful Fine Arts Magnet school, there are 10-15 magnet students in the entire student body. Pretty slim chances for an applicant, although they retain the magnet title. The school, which seems phenomenal, is *almost* exclusively a neighborhood school.

-Magnet selection is all done by lottery these days.

-all HISD pre-K kids put in full 8:00-3:00 days. Yikes!

-pre-K criteria differs greatly. Some public schools require tuition; others are financially-qualified scholarship entry only; some are mixed. Some are open only to zoned students; others accept anyone within HISD. Many are ESL programs. Many schools don't have Pre-K programs at all. The only thing that fits for us in the tuition-zoning-language maze is a Montessori school. And that sounds great to me. I did a Montessori cirriculum all through elementary school, and I think it's very healthy.

-that said, I'm not convinced I want to send my child to either of the two Montessori programs. In one of my tours, a woman who sounded like a great teacher said she probably knows most of her students better than their parents do. It makes sense to me, because she sees them for so many hours, and during a learning and social environment. But now, hold up: nobody needs to be knowing my child better than I do! He's primarily my responsibility, and I need to know what's going on with him! Not second to any teacher, no matter how dedicated or brilliant -- and as much as we all respect the teaching profession, there's no guarantee my child will fall into the care of a gentle and well-discerning individual. No kidding, when this kind woman said that, my thought was, "Oh, so I'd be turning him over to the state?" I think her point was in how Montessori students don't rotate through teachers and classrooms, as other students do. There's always parent volunteering... although full-time would be frowned upon by both Braeden and the school.

-I gathered that it isn't normative for Pre-K kids to come in knowing their ABCs, colors, and numbers as well as Noah does. That doesn't mean I think Noah is more clever than average; I expect it has more to do with degree of parental involvement. He's been learning a lot from home, obviously, and we can do more very successfully. The drawback is that don't have the classroom stocked with sensory learning materials (though I could also argue we have a much bigger classroom).

I'm applying him to both the Montessori schools, knowing I can decide later if we get in. There are private schools I can look into on scholarship, the challenge there being variant religious teachings. I can also do a year of either Montessori or casual home Pre-K schooling, and then worry about Magnet placement in kindergarten, which is where most schools begin. Lots to think about, for sure.

Time to upload some recent pictures!

Home; Coo 'n Smile

2008-12-05T23:06:00.004-06:00

In plus or minus twelve months, I am going to commit to reduced community activities, and increased family time. Community work is good, and through CARES by Apartment Life, it's been blessed. And now I'm feeling it's time to realign some of those hours towards the ones in our own home. With a big, big celebration for CARES... Unless I suddenly become Mary Hatch Bailey, with the ability to do it all beautifully. Ugh, and I really need to be grateful for now, don't I, because now is where I am. If I wish any of this away, I'll wake up missing it. Anyway, I think I'll be up all night, because the hours are few, and sleep is what bends.

Braeden cooed at me today! He's been crying and grunting in normal newborn fashion. This was a happy coo, accompanied by -- could it be? -- a real and purposed smile! Braeden smiled at me! And cooed! Can't wait to get more of that. Maybe we can freeze time when I get there.

Back to work for me!

Whopper Baby; Year Worth a Title; Steph

2008-12-03T09:16:00.030-06:00

Braeden's 4-week pediatrician visit was yesterday. He is 10 pounds, 4 ounces, and 22 1/2 inches long -- that's an inch over his visit two weeks ago. Height and weight are both around the 75th percentile, meaning only 25% of babies measure bigger. Dr. Goldberg admired the double chin and pudgy cheeks. I am so proud! When nursing didn't catch with Noah, I was very bummed, and we mostly formula-fed. Sir Braeden has been on an exclusive nursing diet, and he's a nice cheeky, healthy, big baby. I give a shout-out to midwives in this one. Yea!

We, as in Jared and me, are in for a big year. Pregnancy was a toughie, because I was so constantly exhausted. But This Year: the last (roughly) year of grad school, eyes and hours towards the finish line; part-time CARES-ing; one preschooler, one baby. The two of us spent mutual time tonight venting and expressing the general feeling of being overwhelmed. And our plights are exactly our blessings. I started thinking of other couples and families we know -- there's always a quid pro quo. None of us, thank goodness, get to have it all. Actually, it sorta seems like we share from the same pot, with so-and-so getting my helping of X, while I end up with her helping of Y. It becomes a Charlotte's Web-beautiful web of such, strings multiplied by number of friends present. So it's really good that we have one another... for the practical, emotional, and spiritual support; but so importantly, even for the reminder that life is life, and blessings and blunders we all share together, by their different names.

It's really cool that we've been married long enough to title our years! Pretty soon, we'll have been married too long to title them, because lines will start smudging, and episodes may start repeating. :)

I was carrying Braeden around today, trying to work with one free hand, and it happened: I thought of Mary, just like I used to when Noah was little. Only now, it's seasonally correct, because the Mary of my thoughts is the one many celebrate during Advent, the one who tended Jesus' young days and years. So: babies cry. Moms are encouraged to let them cry at some time, be it a little at bed so they learn to self-soothe, or just because you need five seconds to finish assembling this sandwich, even if it means he hollars. Surely Jesus cried somewhat, because that is, I imagine, requisite humanity. And with all the pressure moms feel about doing the "right" things for their babies, how did Mary feel navigating these waters? Moms go crazy thinking about how much their decisions impact their children (sure, that's a confession). Mary would have needed profound humility just to keep going, knowing how very little resulted from her, yet literally worshipping God in each step of her mothering. She failed, and I fail... and God's image, His promise, is in Braeden, too.

There's my rambling. I am thankful for my mountainous blessings for which I need rock-climbing equipment. :) Just yesterday, I was driving an area I used to drive a lot during high school, and I imagined how the then-me would perceive the now-me. Everything I truly hoped for came through. It was worth the wait then; and it's worth my patience now, seeing another crazy-beautiful year through.

One tiny last thing: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEPHANIE! You are lovely, and you are generous and gracious, and you are fun, and you are stubborn, and you are stubborn about the things you love. And I am glad that you are for me, and not against me, because of that very fact. Congratulations on your Defense! May this year bring indulgently relaxed evenings, warm ocean breezes, special friendships, and eventually, great and geographically pleasing career selections. You are so special, and I love you every day.

Sleeping Like a... Baby?

2008-11-30T15:35:00.014-06:00

I'm in baby love. The first month, Baby Brae was great, marvelous, flawless; and I was exhausted and trying to get my bearings. Now I am undistractedly all-in for this Perfect, Scrumptious, Snuggle-Bug. He belongs to me, sort of, hardly, and even then, only temporarily -- Braeden belongs to God, my objective's just to build him up and let him go, free to live into his fullest self.. while hoping that by graduation, he'll regard me merely as his Favorite Female Supporter, Years 1-21 (roughly -- and Yikes!) But man, I totally belong to him. Today, that means, Who needs email? Who really needs a shower? I could just hold him instead, ya know. Possibly I've been spoiled by Jared being home Thanksgiving week, what with all the help from him and his visiting parents... the real test will begin tomorrow, when he goes back to work. This doesn't feel fleeting, though. I betcha I ace the husband-away test!

I'm reading a short book on practical parenting, and it recommends a scheduled sleep routine. I decided I'm game to try it -- but there's another surprise for me: I thought myself the kind of girl who takes her cues from the baby, not some manual. The routine, the authors write, becomes a happy habit for Baby by Day 4, if enforced consistently Days 1-3. Parents are directed to follow a specific bedtime ritual, and then let sleepy babies cry in bed for 5-minute intervals, remembering that routine and learning to self-soothe ultimately benefit Baby. It didn't seem harmful to try, so I followed the recommended steps tonight... and Braeden was satisfied and asleep, no crying, not even mild fussing, by 9:30 (way earlier than ever before)! It's nearly 1:00 now, and he is still slumbering away. This little book is Moms on Call, by Laura Hunter and Jennifer Walker. It's not an exhaustive reference, but clearly it's been handy. We didn't even have Day 1 crying! I think Braeden likes the new bedtime ritual. Only sad part: I don't have the excuse to co-sleep. That's good and bad, but right now, I miss him. (Sappy. Does the Mommy-of-a-Newborn thing buy me a pass?)

What am I doing up at 1:00, huh? I don't know. Maybe it feels strange to have Brae sleeping contentedly in his bassinet, and I'm not sure what to do. Maybe it's me who needs a Day 1-3 routine, rather than him, to get to sleep reasonably and peaceably.

Guess what? It's Advent! Maybe I can find a beautiful Advent discipline to share in bloggersville this season.

3 Week Photos

2008-11-23T18:13:00.007-06:00

Oh, gee. Mothering a newborn baby is so rewarding, and so exhaustingly challenging, too! I held Braeden today for maybe twelve hours, less an hour and half shower/tidy/email break, before my mother-in-law rescued me by coming over and offering her own arms. Braeden is a cuddly, wonderful, little snuggle-bug, but as a newbie to life outside his mother, he's hanging on to direct contact like it's his 4th-timerster job description, which it emphatically is.

Jared, Noah, and I are enjoying time with Jared's parents! They're in town for a little more than a week. Tomorrow we may hit the zoo! (Braeden and I are still in question. We aimed for church today, and missed.)

The Love of My Life, with Beer on His Nose

2008-11-20T10:41:00.003-06:00

This photo is from a couples' baby shower for some friends of ours... we had the boys bobbing for pacifiers in a tub of beer. :) This was followed by the spit-the-paci contest, of course. Oh, which Jared won! My guy is so accomplished.

First Day on the Job

2008-11-18T19:20:00.005-06:00

... for the diaper, I mean. He's a cutie, huh? Look at the peek-a-boo toes!

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"Bwok O-Bama"

2008-11-18T15:45:00.009-06:00

Omg! My child just said "Barack Obama!" I was (silently) going through some outdated magazines to empty up some space, and pulled out a World edition with the backsides of Obama and Biden, looking onto a crowd. Noah says nonchalantly "that's Bwok O-Bama." Obama isn't even in focus (focus on the crowd); his image is fuzzy!

What just happened?! Parents, whatever television you're watching, your children are watching, too. We don't draw Noah into political discussions, and we've certainly never asked him to identify the Pres. Elect's backside. This is big stuff. I wonder how Jared's will take it.

Fluff Correction

2008-11-17T15:32:00.002-06:00

So, Thanksgiving is next week. I was unintentionally proving my fluff-brain. I still get time with Nancy and Jared's parents this week, though!

The Forth Trimester; All My Excuses

2008-11-16T15:39:00.009-06:00

I've heard a few people call this season "The 4th Trimester." That is, Mom and Baby remain attached, but with this 3-month period, it's on the outside. Yes.

A few warnings for any parties coming into contact me:

- I have very little short-term memory these days. It's coincidence if I retain any information.

- As stated above, I am attached to Baby Brae. Rather, he is attached to me. If I'm feeling daring, I'll leave Braeden with Jared immediately after a feeding, and go somewhere briefly. Other than that, it is he and me. No car seat, no bassinet or crib; just Mama, and super-duper close. However, if he's not hungry, Braeden responds very well to cuddly people other than me. When I'm the one cuddling, I'm convinced he thinks only of food. Like the old-school cartoons where a character sees a turkey running in a field, and envisages it butter-basted and on a silver platter. Yup, that's me! (Somebody, help!)

- I do not cook. I pour milk on Cheerios to make sure I haven't been fasting. That being said, I'm not good at offering coffee or tea or even water these days. Please be a friend and help yourself. While you're up, would you mind pouring me a glass of water? :)

- About every other day, I do dishes or laundry. I don't have a pretty apartment to show, but I do have a pretty baby!

- I'm not so good at writing emails or thank-you notes, either. Isn't that awful? But I will soon, and I really want to. I'm also not traveling well. I tried going to a Friday/Saturday retreat at church this weekend. It was good, but I was so exhausted, just from being out with Braeden!

Those are all my excuses. Thanks for the flexibility, and please know that I will return to civilization in due time. In the meantime, if I don't call back or write or visit, it's because this brand new person has decided I'm his lifeline (that's the way it's always been!), and he's keen on keeping me occupied.

Guess what? It's Thanksgiving week! That means I'll get to see Nancy, Stephanie and Seth, Jared's parents, and Jared's extended family! All in one week!

The Worst Part of the Newborn Stage...

2008-11-12T17:45:00.009-06:00

...is realizing how quickly this sweet, perfect, little baby will be ready to grow out of Mama's arms. Sometimes it just aches to watch Braeden sleep (I remember with Noah, too), because I know it'll be over so, so quickly. And then I want to pick him up and give him a squishy hug, but there's no way I'd disturb him and that beautiful baby slumber. (And come to think of it, am I at all bold enough to interrupt a moment I can be reflecting, or putting dishes away, or showering, or sleeping?)

The second worse part is when you don't get the chance to feel this way, because every private moment is challenged and demanded away from you. It's this divine dance of "Please, Baby, I just need 60 seconds!" and "Oh, Baby, I miss you, when will you wake up so I can hold you again?"

On that note, I've been wanting to write, but typing one-handed isn't my cup of tea. Any day now, when I'm two-handed, and the wash is in the laundry, and I'm not itching for a nap. :)

Is This Supposed to Happen?

2008-11-07T18:15:00.005-06:00

This afternoon, after our follow-up midwife visit, Jared went to Ben's house to work on a new brew batch. A few hours prior, Ben called and offered that Noah could come along. The boys left home, and almost right away Braeden snuggled down for a long nap. I took a nap myself (not even holding him (!), which is often what he requires), checked the email, did some things around the apartment, even painted my fingernails, and now I blog. This is too fantastic, but please don't pinch me; times like this are what keep you going at 3 a.m. Many many thank yous to Ben and Amy for this afternoon, and to everyone who has brought food over. You know, it's starting to feel a little too quiet... after an afternoon off, do I already miss my house of boys?

Blog Shout-Out

2008-11-06T19:32:00.004-06:00

Although I don't know Brittany well, her Photo Blog always amazes me. She did my sister's wedding photography in Lubbock last year before she graduated, and is now busy at building her studio. Amazing portrait work with individuals, couples, and families. Really fun to look! See her in my link column, "Awesome Photography Blog."

Favorite Baby Gear

2008-11-06T18:22:00.012-06:00

Braeden is eight days old! Yesterday he was circumcised. The midwife performed it, and unlike at the hospital, we were there, and Jared was holding him. Both of them are recovering nicely.

Just for kicks, and new mom tricks, here are a few of my new favorite things, baby-style:

The SaraBear Diaper Caddy, paired with a standard changing pad, takes the place of a changing table for us. It's transportable, and has tidy pockets for wipes, diapers, burp clothes, etc. The liner is washable, and comes in a selection of cute fabrics. Needless to say, I've used it many times per day for eight days now, and I think it's great!

This swaddling blanket by Swaddle Designs is the best! It's plenty big, but the breathable and soft cotton flannel is light enough that it's never bulky. The simple designs are classy. This is easily the best swaddling blanket I've seen.

The snuzzler here is in our carseat (see Braeden's picture below!), though it fits swings and such, too. Keeps Baby's head from wobbling around -- sounds like a luxury, and Noah didn't have one, but now that it's here, I wouldn't want to be without it. It's soft, keeps Baby snuggled up, and could not be easier to toss in the wash. Ours happens to be in the washer now! (Babies are messy.) The head cushion unsnaps from the body to allow for use when the baby grows.

Hope I don't sound too much like a commercial. There's a lot out there that's ridiculous, in the way of baby gear. These have actually been great. I think I'll have a big brother/little brother photo to post soon!

Recovery Reflection

2008-11-02T09:01:00.012-06:00

When Jared and I decided on a midwife delivery, "going natural" in itself wasn't our big motivation: it was the promise of a healthier (speedier; more comfortable) recovery that drew us in. My girlfriend Kristi listened to all sorts of information and enthusiasm I was bringing in, but held out for what I'd think after the fact. Given a healthy future pregnancy, which route will I chose then?

Here's a little run-down, which I'm so proud of. Not proud like "I did this!", but proud like "this is mine! It's fantastic!"

- Wednesday near-evening Braeden was born. Over a pound heavier than his big brother. No complications; no stitches!

- We situated and ate supper at the birthing center, and came home late evening. I indulged in a glass of wine to help me relax and sleep. No Vicodin! Not even Ibuprofen. Jared joked about whiskey.

- Thursday morning I took a shower all by myself (!). Fierce after pains came in, which helps bring my size down towards normal, and Advil was welcomed onto the scene. Jared, Braeden, and I went to the pediatrician for a first look-over in the afternoon.

- Friday I was bored, and my tailbone was sore, so I got up and did laundry and dishes. It felt great! Late Friday I started to get sore all over. It was a muscular sore rather than a wounded-like sore, which felt good, even though it seemed to wrap around my entire body. If anything, I still wanted to be standing up, enjoying my non-pregnant alignment and giving my hips and spine a break from sitting.

- Saturday I helped throw a baby shower for a friend. I even drove the car! My co-host did the vast majority of the work, but it was nice to be on my feet and out of the apartment. The weather was gorgeous! Braeden did great! He's a little yellowish, so we're giving him indirect sunlight and lots of attentiveness, should it worsen.

- Today is Sunday. I've decided not to take Braeden to church until he's be comfortable in the Bjorn pouch carrier, which I want to introduce only after circumcision and belly button are healed completely. Husband and Elder Son (strange to reference preschooler as elder) are at church, and I'm enjoying the quiet at home. (The pouch carrier keeps Baby snuggled close, ensuring his comfort and privacy.)

So... would I do it again? Well, we haven't talked about the birth day experience yet, and no, it is not easy. I'm really blessed to have a husband who will care for me in recovery, ensuring that my glass is full, our apartment is clean, and Baby's diapers are fresh. Friends and my mom have been thoughtful to bring meals, and I've been eating so well! Noah's loving the Braeden business. And I feel so much blessedness in being able to enjoy it. I'm awake (relatively) and not on meds; I can move about the apartment; I can sit upright to hold my new son: the freedom to be involved is indescribably wonderful. Plus, the midwife gives all sorts of handy-dandy newborn (pregnancy, too) tips! Olive oil under the diaper keeps meconium from sticking to Baby; alfalfa supplements reduce mom's blood loss; she provided an herbal mix, along with the recipe, that help the belly button (and mom, if needed) heal extra-quickly. All of that has worked wonderfully, and, along with her being our personal lactation consultant, I feel like we're gaining special "trade secrets."

Braeden is sleeping in the indirect sunlight, and I'm going to enjoy the rest of it by maybe taking a nap myself.

Photo Introduction

2008-10-31T10:35:00.003-05:00

Here he is! Braeden Matthew was born October 29 at 5:35 p.m. He weighed 8.5 pounds! I would love to do some tellin', but Mama is a bit tired. We are both doing well, though. Noah's been great! More in a few days...

Wednesday Morning

2008-10-29T07:12:00.002-05:00

I think today might be the day!

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Tuesday Evening

2008-10-28T21:08:00.003-05:00

We did vote today.

And although I thought 10.28.08 would be a fabulous birth date numbers-wise, I am now trying to commit to resting in that the Lord knows the very best timing. My uninformed opinion is frivolous in comparison. So I'm glad Baby and I are healthy, and I'm waiting for the healthiest time to have a birth. Eagerly, attemptedly patiently, waiting.

Monday Night, Halloween Mommy

2008-10-27T20:54:00.010-05:00

Booorrring. When are we gonna have a baby?

I didn't vote today. I went through a voters' guide and decided who among the non-presidential candidates I'll vote for. And I checked to see where I can vote early: practically within walking distance, how lucky! Living in the Medical Center seems to have its perks. Another benefit would be if I planned to deliver in a hospital, but now that's a different (and self-inflicted... or self-relieved) story. Also, I think I can see our pediatrician's office from our property!

It is fabulous weather for a walk, and I've been taking a few of those. I realized how great it is to be due now: I get to experience some of the soft cool, but won't have to purchase a maternity coat! With No. 1, I still fit into my normal coat during winter, albeit with a pooch. This pregnancy won't see a chill at all, except for this semi-cool. Part of being 5th generation native Houstonian is that I have amazing speed-healing from mosquito bites. Another side is that my tropical eardrums ache from walking in 60-degree temperature. Oh, well. They make hats for that.

If my baby's birthday gains a Halloween association, I'll need to learn to manage that gracefully. Don't like Halloween a bit: not the decorations, not the candy, not the spooky thrills. I do like (mild) Hitchcock, though, and found Spellbound in a sale! Gregory Peck and Ingrid Bergman. It's right in my trio of Hitchcock favorites, along with Dial M for Murder and Rear Window.

I'm finding it awkward to handle Halloween at Noah's age. He's old enough to notice shop exhibits and lawn decorations, and though I deliberately started with a "no comment" policy, he volunteers that they're scary. However, he's too young to hear me try and explain why people put ghouls in their yards and cemetery scenes in their drugstores, and how that don't fly for us, but we still honor the people behind the witch's make-up. And talk about trick-or-treating. Who knows what to do there?! I do not like the idea of giving away masses of candy, or of gaining masses of candy. And I don't want my kids running into the spooked-out character costumes that inevitably meander among the fun/sweet/clever ones (same with the above-said lawn decorations). But I don't want to prohibit them from a childhood neighborhood experience, either. We'll see. I have (a little) time to figure it out. And actually, aren't there special programs designed to help with this? The zoo, for example, I think is open Halloween evening to entertain the kiddos. Ah! Solution!

Monday Morning

2008-10-27T07:19:00.009-05:00

Nothing much, guys. Jared's taking a short work day (yea!), and I think I'll vote.

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Saturday Evening

2008-10-25T17:39:00.004-05:00

Brief update:

I had a relaxing day. Slept in late, splurged on a manicure/pedicure with my friend Eileen. My nails are now trim and soft (as in not sharp), and, for my girly side, they're also pretty. Then I went to a shop, and the library. The librarian asked how far along I am, and I said, "I have about half a week." She said "Girl, I'd be in bed!" And I said, "I plan on bein' in bed... with some books!" And that is my plan. Except that I'm wondering if we'll have a Sunday or Monday baby!

Date night yesterday was fun! Kristi volunteered to stay with Noah. She brought pizza and The Incredibles, so they had their own little date night. Jared and I took in dinner and saw Fireproof. I have to say, I was preparing myself for at least a little cheese (low budget film with an all volunteer cast, except the male lead), but we walked away very impressed. Really good movie, and very well done. It was a great way for Jared and me to relax together. Which we both needed. He's been working super-hard in preparation for time away from the lab.

My bag is 100% packed; I have books and movies at the ready to provide positive distraction; and Jared is tidying/cleaning while I just sit around. We'll do some calling/texting if anything starts to happen.

Sometime This Week?

2008-10-23T23:38:00.010-05:00

I'm in early labor! We had a midwife appointment today that involved a surprisingly good progress report. I've never been this far along in labor! Apparently, that "discomfort" Tuesday night was my body being busy. It lasted about an hour, and I never felt contractions; just a constant and distracting, but not memorable, pain. So I'm now thinking: If I continue to progress the way I did, it would so fun! A centimeter or two at night over an hour, then another the next day. Hey, I could even do two rounds, one in the morning, and one at night. And eventually we'd be baby-ready, nice and gradual! Talk about resting in between.

I got a follow-up appointment for one week from today, but I think it'll be okay if I lose the reminder card.

Two Blog Shout-Outs

2008-10-22T10:50:00.017-05:00

I had a little scare last night. There was some abdominal discomfort, and I wondered if it indicated the beginnings of labor. But it went away, so we have at least another day, or two, or three....

Our new crib arrived today! I'll put a photo up after Jared assembles it tonight. Yea!

Also, I'd like to give attention to two blogs I've added in the left column list. They're both by sweet girlfriends I know. Amira, author of "Squirrelly, Friendly Blog" (my name; not hers), I know way back from high school! She Brigadiered with me on the dance team, and pep-talked a 15-year old Jared into asking me out. 'Mira is a romantic and a food-lover, something she and I have in common. Lately, she's given me pointers on pure cane sugar root beer. Cari, of "West Texas Fun Photo Blog" (again, the name I assigned) is a close friend of my sisters. I met her in Midland/Lubbock this past winter, and she is fantastic to know! Cari is vibrant and loving, and is working towards a degree in studio photography. She's passionate about the Lord, and all signs point to that Noah has a slight crush on her. Hope you enjoy!

39, and an Unprophetic Dream

2008-10-20T08:03:00.006-05:00

I'm going to meet somebody new sometime soon!

I am officially 39 weeks pregnant, and Jared is calling me "10 months" pregnant. He's ready to have this baby. I'm nearly ready -- just want to finish up a few things first, like packing Noah's overnight bag, and tidying up a bit more.

I had a funny dream Saturday night! I was somewhere, maybe my midwife's office, and because I was so close to delivery, you could at certain moments see the baby through my shirt. Not an outline, but actually with colors and all. Jared was excited, and somehow, against my will, and without medical intervention, made me have the baby instantaneously. Our midwife came into the room, and first I tried to hide that the baby had been born ("born" being without a birth); then I just started apologizing, saying it was an accident. I was so mad at Jared, too! I wanted him to reverse whatever he'd done, because I had really been looking forward to childbirth. (That part is the truest. Sure, labor will be, well, a demanding experience. But I don't want to miss out on this!) Sunday Eileen prayed that labor will be quick and easy, and I almost laughed, since in my dream, I was angry that it had unfairly been too quick, too easy. 0% chances that was a prophetic dream, so I think we're safe.

Oh, there was one notable positive realization in my dream, after the injustice of instantaneous child-appearing: still feeling jipped, at some point I realized I no longer had a pregnant belly to tote. That was welcome. Never found out much about the baby. He just appeared, and was taken off to be tended until time to return him to Mama. That part sounds a little familiar, even though we had time with Noah initially. I'm really excited about what's ahead! I'm also excited about the nap I'm fixin' to take....

Cloth Diaper Run-Down (but leak-proof, please!)

2008-10-15T23:28:00.041-05:00

Long ago, I promised to write about my new interest in cloth diapering. Here it is! I'll make a tidy little list, and avoid paragraphs today.

First, though, like midwifery, I never intended for this to happen! I thought I was a good ol' American consumer, filling the landfills and buying from discount warehouses. Mostly, I thought I was buying Pampers for their convenience, so to avoid pins and a laundry service. Then a sweet and modern friend turned up using cloth with her baby, and mine eyes were opened. Here's what I learned...

- Convenience, Pt. 1. Many cloth diaper options resemble regular disposables! Elastics are sewn into place, and buyers choose between snap or Velcro closures. Simple!

- Convenience, Pt. 2. Cloth diapers are designed to be tossed in the washing machine every few days. Wash, then line-dry in the sun (the sun, while being cheap, also aides against discoloration), over the shower, or in the dryer. No special procedure or laundry service required.

- Hygiene. I used also to think disposables trumped because they wicked moisture away from skin. Cloth, however, is a credited solution when a sensitive baby is involved: it's free of the chemical irritants found in disposables, and lining acts as a shield between Baby's skin and the absorbent padding.

- Choice. Parents can still elect for a flat diaper, and pair it with an adorable diaper cover. Or they can choose a pocket diaper, a form-fitted diaper with a waterproof exterior pocketed against a soft, non-moisture-retaining interior. An absorbent stuffer is placed inside the pocket, often made of hemp, terry, cotton microfiber, or flannel. There are also all-in-ones with pre-installed stuffers, most resembling the disposable. With all the different makers and varieties, I was a overwhelmed at first!

- Cost. A pocket or all-in-one diaper can cost between about $15 and $25, depending on what you opt for. Flats are less; there's also a big market for second-hand pocket diapers. You can choose small/medium/large diapers as Baby grows, or there are options that fold with snaps, having been designed to adjust with Baby's size. We modestly estimate we'll save $1,000 by using cloth over disposables, not including sibling usability. Savvy moms sew their own from patterns, and some make a home business of it.

- Cuteness. It is a baby, after all! Cloth diapers can be stylish! From white, to colors, to prints, even embroidery. Many current designs boast to have less bulk.

Here's what we've decided on. The maker is Bum Genius, and they're pocket diapers that snap-adjust to fit Baby's growing size. From the internet store we're ordering, we gain a 30-day guarantee, so we can try a few out since it's a big investment. I'll let you know how it goes!

Noah Recounts Ike

2008-10-14T23:27:00.006-05:00

Here's Noah talking about his Ike experience. A little clarification info:

- The storm was green. He never saw this (away from the window, my son), but our friend Kristi watched the storm, and told us it was green. This made a big impression on Noah.

- The communal fire alarm went off intermittently in our apartment during the night. That's the "loud noise" Noah is referring to. Apparently, water got into the master system, causing the siren. Although it was on-and-off in our unit, it continuously sounded in the hallway for five hours! That part wasn't fun.

- Noah and I camped on the sofa in the hallway overnight, away from windows. The hallway leads "next to the outside door."

- Peanut butter and banana sandwiches in the middle of the night!

- We did see Kristi the next day, because she was in a tiny pocket of power.

- We helped Eileen and Chris with some yard clean-up a few days later. (Well, I kinda got the pregnancy exemption.) This is the awesomeness wherein "Eileen picked the trees up." She's a powerhouse, Baby!

(Sorry I didn't get this up earlier -- once I got the video ready, it wouldn't upload to blogersville. I wanted to edit the file to help it fit, but we couldn't find the video software to reinstall, which goes back to when we had to wipe the hard drive and begin anew. Saga, I know.)

Walls of the Fortress

2008-09-29T13:54:00.005-05:00

Our walls are being repaired as we speak! The men have been at it all morning. Yea!

At the end of this week, Baby will be considered full-term. If I get a vote, I'm waiting until at least 38 weeks, however, which will be the end of next week. Baby is about the size of a crenshaw melon. That's slightly bigger than an honeydew, though I have no idea what makes a crenshaw special, other than the relationship to Baby's current approximate size.

CARES event tonight! Jared's been toting the weight of these lately. I plan, he implements. By the way, I put a baby wish-list together. So looking forward to tidying up from the construction, and getting things in place! I think next week I'll even place an order for a few cloth diapers, and then purchase dye- and scent-free laundry detergent, and a line for sun-drying. :)

And Now...

2008-09-28T18:37:00.007-05:00

...a photo. Here's me being pregnant, at 36 weeks.

Now, Jared and I tried some snapshots, but they all resulted in either fuzzy images or, the more frequent, me looking extremely tired! This is professional help from Houston photographer Scott Kelley, who graced me with a very fun maternity shoot.

On the home front, our walls are now cleansed of Ike moisture, and awaiting drywall repairs and paint. I am certainly happy we won't have mold, and I am certainly ready to get these walls back in order so to resume nesting objectives. Noah and I have been sometimes sleeping at home, sometimes with Eileen. (Noah's room is a no-go zone, what with the repairs.)

October is almost here! That's Baby month!

For Now

2008-09-25T12:31:00.001-05:00

Noah and I have been bunking with a friend a few nights -- some repair work is being done inside our home, due to water in the walls. Very limited internet access these days, and a busy weekend going on! Baby is 35 weeks plus 3 days.

Creepy Marketing Gimmick

2008-09-22T23:56:00.022-05:00

Somehow I got on a catalog mail-out list (actually, "John Gilliam" did) for a doll manufacturer. Not just any doll manufacturer. "My twinn, the just-like-me doll" is silly, but it spooks me, too. Hasn't anyone read The Velveteen Rabbit, The Indian in the Cupboard, and my all-time favorite, A Little Princess? Don't they know these darling dolls walk and talk and express their personalities as soon as you leave the room? How would you feel if the doll looked exactly like you? How would the doll feel?!? (or to be psychoanalytical, how would Childhood You feel the doll would feel?)

...And just what happens when you outgrow the doll and move away to college, or to live on your own? Is Mom supposed to keep the doll next to your childhood photo albums, for sentimentality? She can't throw it out or give it away, but having your replicated self-on-a-shelf would be creepy. Ethically, I'd rather be teaching my girls to grow outward in respect and compassion than inward in self-consumption. And I hate to say, girls often start out a bit preoccupied with and nervous about their looks. I really can't see this helping.

Lessons Learned Follow-Up

2008-09-22T18:57:00.004-05:00

We do have power now. It initially was down about 24 hours (that's really good, comparatively). When it went down again a week later, it was back up within a few hours. It's really nice to live on such an big name city street!

Oh -- and,

22. 4-way stops are trickier than you'd expect, especially when city drivers get impatient, and you throw in multiple turn lanes.

Small Lessons Learned from Ike

2008-09-22T05:57:00.025-05:00

In no particular order...

1. my old Galleria-area apartment complex really is a fortress -- never lost long-term power, though everywhere surrounding (and beyond!) was out. That old place was built to last! (It turns out a lot of things from the 1960s were built to last, which is a not-so-much thing of the 90s/00s.)

2. hurricanes induce labor. A friend of a friend had her baby during Ike, and my midwife confirmed it's about the pressure change. Yikes! (In the back of my mind, this hints at a side benefit of planning for unmedicated birth -- if anything should happen where I'd be caught by surprise, I could breathe and say, "okay, it's time; I've been steadying myself to do this naturally anyway..." rather than "oh no, what about XYZ doctor/drugs/backup surgical tray? This was supposed to happen in the hospital!" Small chance, but it's there. I may well have panicked if Noah had been born unexpectedly without the set-up. This one, I think I'd be okay.)

3. hurricanes also induce huge spells of text messaging. I've never texted so much!

4. the shape Noah's face takes when he's truly amazed: eyebrows up, mouth forms perfect "O".

5. hurricane prep should always include checking your NEIGHBORS' patios, if you live in an apartment

6. some neighbors do silly things. rocking chair + patio w/ window + hurricane = uh-oh

7. sandbagging your exterior doors is the best idea ever (we used potting soil; it was a lifesaver)

8. it would have been smart to take certain foods OUT of the fridge BEFORE the power died, so we could eat them without disturbing the chill for the rest

9. it does not matter what is going on in the rest of the nation/world (even if it is a Congressional mega-billion-dollar mortgage bail-out); if there was a hurricane in Houston, that's the only thing the local stations will broadcast for at least a week

10. you may be lucky and get power back quickly, but you could lose it again if one precarious electric pole happens to fall...

11. shopping centers look very peaceful at night with all their facade lights off, even though it means they're not available to cater to your 24/7 whim

12. Houston's top three food-related Ike prep purchases: salty snacks, canned meat, and beer. So if you loose both water and A/C, you'll have plenty of salty chips to munch on... yeah, okay!

13. when doing hurricane shopping (before or after), bring a basket from home

14. when doing hurricane shopping (before or after), be pregnant, so you can get maternity parking! (The Kroger was so packed, people were parking illegally and curb-side. Ms. Special here got maternity parking. Yea!)

15. extra-credit hurricane purchase: Febreeze and/or baking soda

16. extra-credit hurricane errand: the library or bookshop, for something fun and/or engaging

17. extra-credit hurricane task: freeze a block of ice, the bigger the better (we used the ice tray), to keep things cool. Takes a lot of energy to freeze it, takes a lot of energy to melt it.

18. Rice Krispy Treats (made in the prep phase) are a fun hurricane treat, but what is sticky gets even stickier in tropic A/C-less air!

19. if the hurricane is severe and there's a mass power outage, be prepared to visit/have visitors. Real friends share power.

20. hurricanes get a kick out of billboards! The ripping of ads to shreds is cool, and we also got to see billboards buckled over, tent-like! Sorry, no photo. No damage to cars underneath, either. And no remorse, because we could all (humbly speaking, of course) be very happy with less billboards.

21. when your toddler says "the lights don't work" and your sci-savvy husband says "actually, the lights do work, but the power is out," you may think "Jared, he's three!" And you may be very surprised when said three-year-old processes, retains, and accurately recounts this information later.

Ike Report

2008-09-14T10:51:00.006-05:00

Friday we got ready and watched the news. A friend who has lived here before advised that during Rita, apartments flooded via patio doors. Jared placed bags of potting soil to act as sandbags.

Friday night the hurricane hit. Noah and I slept on the sofa, which Jared had pushed into the hallway to be away from windows.

We lost power, and our building's alarm siren was running continuously 4-9 a.m. Ack! We noticed some water seeping in, and caught it with towels -- nothing was damaged. The soil bags were great.

Saturday we opened windows to let the breeze in. A friend was in a small pocket of electricity, so we stayed with her awhile. Our power came on late evening, and we got some comfortable rest!

The water pressure is still low, there's lots of power out across town, and it looks like Baylor may be closed Monday. We'll need carpet cleaning eventually. Happy to have power.

Ike and the Like

2008-09-12T00:07:00.007-05:00

Big Ike is stirring things up (hee-hee) here along the Texas coast! We are staying put, we're not in an evacuation zone, and we have some extras ready, less the backup generator. Ooh, a solar powered box fan would be a nice invention.

The last time there was this much fuss was with Rita, three years ago. I was at the grocery store today buying peanut butter and batteries, and it was really nice to not be thinking about how much baby formula we'd need.

Jared isn't working Friday, along with the majority of the area. We have some movies and books, and I'm excited about all the housework hubby can help me churn out tomorrow morning! Our baby prep list is still running strong. We need to get that labor bag together!

We'll call Midland tomorrow, early evening.

The Big News

2008-09-09T00:54:00.010-05:00

I think I've been afraid to write. I've been looking into something that's really big to me, and I didn't want to share until I had the pieces sorted out. Then when things started to fall into place, I developed a passion for it, and didn't want to make a fuss while I was still in the process of learning so much.

Here it is... we've said goodbye to our wonderful doctor, and have selected a midwife to deliver our new baby! Bernadette is great, and I'm very excited. When I was a kid, I knew of one woman who was delivered at home via a midwife. She was the mom of my friend, and I thought her choice was so strange. I have no problems with doctors or hospitals, and my first birth experience, in a good hospital, is a smooth and happy memory.

We had an insurance scare that forced us to look into multiple options. I know the hospitals' facility fees self-pay, I know my physician's fees self-pay, and all that without an anesthesiologist was looking seismic. I figured if I'm going to have a baby sans-epidural, I'd prefer do so with someone who specializes in taking women through that process, rather than at a hospital, where a good patient stays very still in bed, and unmedicated patients are few and far between.

I had a few consultations with local midwives who operate in birthing centers. Loved Bernadette, and Husband agreed. The financing situation, meanwhile, started to see some light. I could be delivered at my preferred hospital with my preferred obstetrician, and not worry about cost, including the extra procedures and medications. By the time we learned that, however, I'd already started researching natural birth. My opinion will have much more merit post-childbirth, but I think I'm becoming a convert!

I won't talk about merits today, because that could become a long entry. Just wanted to publicize the news! A few friends have said I'm brave for this. Maybe, but I think the bravery is more in taking on the responsibility of having this baby myself. I feel like the first time, birth happened to me; I can't say I participated much. Outside of a hospital, it will be mine to do. That's scary, and incredibly exciting. Plus, a lot of our decision has to do with after effects, wanting to avoid what we experienced recovery-wise from a hyper-medicated childbirth.

I may have a lot to blog about in the near future! Only eight weeks to go! Oh, and we chose a new pediatrician today. We like our previous one, but the new doctor has five grown children, all midwife-delivered, and knows and respects the reasons behind that. In a place where 99% of babies are born in-hospital, it won't throw him for a loop. He's a very proactive physician, and I think it'll be a good relationship. Humorously, and not a factor of our decision, his office is walking distance from our home! Braeden may get his first visits via stroller, if the November weather is nice.