Wine and snacks with six fantastically lovely women; cheerful, patient, lovely schoolteacher Ms. Perez; a morning alone with Brae-Brae!; dark-cholocate covered roasted almonds from Central; The Ragamuffin Gospel, a felt-tipped pen, a straight-edge (because I'm a dork!), and the promise of good conversation; Triscuits, string cheese, carrots, and grapes in a lunch box; baby-moniter eavesdropping on brotherly banter; green tea gingerale; thermal shade grace from record-high summer weather; patience, virtuous, gernerous patience, in general.
Tuesday, June 23
Wednesday, June 17
Simple Happy Ten
Timeless fiction; a long chat with my out-of-town sister; watching Noah get a haircut (those expressions!); Stegosaurus on a blue-and-red lunch box; mashed bananas; perfectly sunlit face caught in a photo; a friend noticing aloud my husband's act of goodness, though familiarity has stunted my appreciation; Skype; waking up to a crying baby in the daylight!; full-bloom peonies sipping icy-chilled water.
By the way:
Wednesday, June 10
I look at Braeden. He has brown eyes.
Saturday, June 13
Jared lowers the crib, anticipating Braeden soon standing. The lowering becomes immediate incentive for Braeden to stand. He's standing!
Wednesday, June 17
I buy a lunch box for Noah. Oh, me.
By the way:
Wednesday, June 10
I look at Braeden. He has brown eyes.
Saturday, June 13
Jared lowers the crib, anticipating Braeden soon standing. The lowering becomes immediate incentive for Braeden to stand. He's standing!
Wednesday, June 17
I buy a lunch box for Noah. Oh, me.
Tuesday, June 9
New Tradition
I'm not contributing much. I've been daunted by my own blog. Anything worth saying takes too much time to say! These days I feel accomplished if I get laundry done, supper made, boys bathed, and rooms tidied all in one day. That's not even including leaving the house! Secret: the days I stay home all day are my favorite. I get Noah working on his alphabet and penmanship, Braeden taking healthy naps, my bed even gets made. Throw grocery shopping in the mix, and who knows what shape we'll be in by the end of the day!
So. No profound reflections today. Not even a photo. Tuesdays are now officially Simple Happy Ten days. Not of necessarily joyful things, though they'll meander in and out. Just happy things. Because, like every girl, I love remembering my favorite things. And like every nut, I love long, rambling, free-style lists. By the way, Noah's taking on the concept of favorite these days. "Strawberries [in my oatmeal]? Strawberries are my favorite food!"
Here we go! Feel free to add, advise, disagree adamantly, whatever floats your boat.
Noah's four-year old voice: "Braeden, it's okay; I care about you!" (Wouldn't you love if this could fix all our problems?); Brae's big grin with the cutest-ever two front teeth; photo blogs; olives, asparagus, and prosciutto with Jared; whites linens drying in the sun; Dan in Real Life; multi-colored foam sticky-backed stars; Veggie Rocks (so geeky!); sassy sunglasses; discovering shared philosophy with an admired friend.
And guess what? I'm so behind! Noah needs redirecting, Braeden needs diapering and feeding.
:)
So. No profound reflections today. Not even a photo. Tuesdays are now officially Simple Happy Ten days. Not of necessarily joyful things, though they'll meander in and out. Just happy things. Because, like every girl, I love remembering my favorite things. And like every nut, I love long, rambling, free-style lists. By the way, Noah's taking on the concept of favorite these days. "Strawberries [in my oatmeal]? Strawberries are my favorite food!"
Here we go! Feel free to add, advise, disagree adamantly, whatever floats your boat.
Noah's four-year old voice: "Braeden, it's okay; I care about you!" (Wouldn't you love if this could fix all our problems?); Brae's big grin with the cutest-ever two front teeth; photo blogs; olives, asparagus, and prosciutto with Jared; whites linens drying in the sun; Dan in Real Life; multi-colored foam sticky-backed stars; Veggie Rocks (so geeky!); sassy sunglasses; discovering shared philosophy with an admired friend.
And guess what? I'm so behind! Noah needs redirecting, Braeden needs diapering and feeding.
:)
Sunday, May 31
Pondering Fostering; Baby Time-Line
One of the things I do now and then is daydream about what I'd study if I were to go back to university. I don't feel I need to go, because a degree itself does not demonstrate height in character or capacity -- these days, it's more likely to demonstrate financial debt. But there are paths that require and are benefited by a degree. What would I study? Women's History in America; Child Development; Photography (nah -- but I definitely need to train up a hobby)? I could finish up that English degree.
My hypothetical question demands a next, What I want to do? I have more confidence in myself than ever. I used to think I was such a cookie-cutter-cutout-character (ha!). No more. Rather than loosing myself in over-bending to others, I'm getting assertive with the over-correcting, and forgetting my manners. I still need more practice: who wants to be my next victim? Really, though, I wonder what direction my life will take after the boys are able to dress themselves.
I never want to compromise being accessible to them. Full-time work is out of the question for me. But I want to be intentional about what I become, not slipping into what I think anyone else expects at a given moment. And I hear the question, "Do you want to have more kids?" I don't know. That's for God to tell me; not me to tell Him. He'll guide me. In the meantime, two is great, and I'm satisfied. How couldn't I be, with these stellar men? :)
Do I want to work with/for women, ministerially? Advocate for children? Edit? (I would love editing!) Take pictures of babies and children for low or no cost?
I think, just as I did when I was little bitty, that I want to foster. Five, ten, fifteen-year olds. Not necessarily babies. Not older than Noah will be. Local, obviously. More than anything I can think of, that's what makes me excited, impassioned -- though I know it'll be a ton of heart-wrenching work, and I should go ahead and, as much as I can, start the character-building now. I wouldn't do this anytime soon. First comes a job, a little cash building, a steady home, and a few more years for these two to grow.
Not exactly related, but certainly intriguing, my friend and her husband are currently training to foster. They'll be caring for a baby. She told me how at the first group class, the instructor asked everyone to share why they wanted to foster/adopt. There were many answers sounding like, "I've always wanted to be a mother; I have so much love to give." The instructor let everyone have their turn, and then slammed that response! My friend thought it was maybe a little over-aggressive. Tone aside, it reminded me of something my dad once said, about a dance ministry at our old church. "Why do you want to join the dance ministry?" "So I can share my gift." That's not quite right. Nor is someone wanting to fall in love because they have "so much love to give."
It's self-focused. Dancing, parenting, spouse-ing, are exercises in being shaped by God. Humbling yourself so that God can honor someone else is not fun! (Though in the long run, it spins blessing.) I recognize that I speak as a girl who hasn't suffered for want of pregnancy or husband. "I've always wanted to be a mother," is exceptionally valid. But it can't be the theme of the story, because then the child's secretly expected role is to fill the woman. Rather, her representation (because it is born of God and not her) of authoritative servant-hood, her love that bends in honor and submission, are the required order. Especially with a broken child.
Those are my thoughts tonight. Perhaps I'll see them five years down the road, when maybe the waters will be stirring. We'll see!
In the now...
Saturday, May 23
Noah is four! Ask him. Four years old, woo-hoo!
Sunday, May 24
Braeden cuts his two first teeth!
Monday, May 25
Mama cuts a wisdom, for empathy. (Removal not required.)
Thursday, May 28
Baby photos! Haven't seen 'em yet. Of course I'll share.
Thursday, May 28
Braeden goes from crawling to sitting. No more stuck in crawl, "Come help me!," stance!
Friday, May 29
Braeden turns seven months!
Saturday, May 30
Did I see that? Is he starting to pull up?!
My hypothetical question demands a next, What I want to do? I have more confidence in myself than ever. I used to think I was such a cookie-cutter-cutout-character (ha!). No more. Rather than loosing myself in over-bending to others, I'm getting assertive with the over-correcting, and forgetting my manners. I still need more practice: who wants to be my next victim? Really, though, I wonder what direction my life will take after the boys are able to dress themselves.
I never want to compromise being accessible to them. Full-time work is out of the question for me. But I want to be intentional about what I become, not slipping into what I think anyone else expects at a given moment. And I hear the question, "Do you want to have more kids?" I don't know. That's for God to tell me; not me to tell Him. He'll guide me. In the meantime, two is great, and I'm satisfied. How couldn't I be, with these stellar men? :)
Do I want to work with/for women, ministerially? Advocate for children? Edit? (I would love editing!) Take pictures of babies and children for low or no cost?
I think, just as I did when I was little bitty, that I want to foster. Five, ten, fifteen-year olds. Not necessarily babies. Not older than Noah will be. Local, obviously. More than anything I can think of, that's what makes me excited, impassioned -- though I know it'll be a ton of heart-wrenching work, and I should go ahead and, as much as I can, start the character-building now. I wouldn't do this anytime soon. First comes a job, a little cash building, a steady home, and a few more years for these two to grow.
Not exactly related, but certainly intriguing, my friend and her husband are currently training to foster. They'll be caring for a baby. She told me how at the first group class, the instructor asked everyone to share why they wanted to foster/adopt. There were many answers sounding like, "I've always wanted to be a mother; I have so much love to give." The instructor let everyone have their turn, and then slammed that response! My friend thought it was maybe a little over-aggressive. Tone aside, it reminded me of something my dad once said, about a dance ministry at our old church. "Why do you want to join the dance ministry?" "So I can share my gift." That's not quite right. Nor is someone wanting to fall in love because they have "so much love to give."
It's self-focused. Dancing, parenting, spouse-ing, are exercises in being shaped by God. Humbling yourself so that God can honor someone else is not fun! (Though in the long run, it spins blessing.) I recognize that I speak as a girl who hasn't suffered for want of pregnancy or husband. "I've always wanted to be a mother," is exceptionally valid. But it can't be the theme of the story, because then the child's secretly expected role is to fill the woman. Rather, her representation (because it is born of God and not her) of authoritative servant-hood, her love that bends in honor and submission, are the required order. Especially with a broken child.
Those are my thoughts tonight. Perhaps I'll see them five years down the road, when maybe the waters will be stirring. We'll see!
In the now...
Saturday, May 23
Noah is four! Ask him. Four years old, woo-hoo!
Sunday, May 24
Braeden cuts his two first teeth!
Monday, May 25
Mama cuts a wisdom, for empathy. (Removal not required.)
Thursday, May 28
Baby photos! Haven't seen 'em yet. Of course I'll share.
Thursday, May 28
Braeden goes from crawling to sitting. No more stuck in crawl, "Come help me!," stance!
Friday, May 29
Braeden turns seven months!
Saturday, May 30
Did I see that? Is he starting to pull up?!
Thursday, May 14
Defending Mothers' Day
Mother's Day (or Mothers' Day, for the times you're community inclined) receives its share of criticism. Florists, card companies, and restaurants receive their due through our faithful consumer traditions. The verdict on waitstaff is out... tables turning, but children, children everywhere!
It's commercial. It's silly and sentimental. Mom wins a craft, maybe breakfast. Women love thoughtful, romantic scenarios, but men and children are hard-pressed to deliver (goes back to that mind-reading bit). Our mass-production vendors are encouraged, the jewelry advertisements are endured, and we maybe-maybe-not allow ourselves to be exploited in the hubbub.
Or.
No matter the vehicle: a mass-produced gift; a careful, fragile preschooler's craft; or in my case, a sincere card mailed a day too late, it serves a noble cause: to tell Mom, not just "I love you," but, "I see you." It asks all of us, moms included, to acknowledge and honor motherhood especially for one day. Rather than gearing up for a day of entitlement (I used that word last post! Maybe I'm realizing an inner theme, hmm), or enduring well-intentioned acts of service gone messy (Braeden and Noah are a bit too young yet), an urge surfaces in me to scoop up my boys and thank them for making a Mama out of me. My friend Stephanie says when she becomes a mother, she wants one specific gift every Mother's Day: a photo of her kids, showing their progression through the years. Because as much as I want my kids to love me, and to express that -- why not? -- with creative genius, how real, how grand, to remember that I own this position, this charge to channel God's love with my own creative efforts? The cards, the restaurants -- hey, it's all good. The flower from the church parish? It's chivalrous. Whether my kids or husband even remember to commemorate the day, the main point is that I can, and I will. Make memories. Be blessed. I've been chosen for impact.
Plus, it's kinda fun seeing my husband's face when he realizes he forgot, and "owes me." Because he does. That's just another solid mark of marriage. Owing one another perpetually, the forgetting-and-remembering of it.
Enough of that. Here's what happened this past weekend: It was Jared's birthday! He got to care for the kiddos while I stayed in bed, taking vitamins and naps to fight off a bit of flu. We still had fun -- well-moderated. The funnest part came Sunday night, when Jared and I decided to place an order for a new custom electric guitar!!! He received his first graduation 2003, which was stolen a couple years ago. Every cash gift he's received since has gone to saving for the cause, including some thoughtful gift certificates. It is time to redeem them! He let me help choose the features, and lemme tell you, this guitar will be gorgeous! Built to be a show-offy monument after hard scholastic work, and representing the support of everyone who helped purchase it. It will be a prize.
Today -- shhh -- I'm making a Nutella and peanut butter sandwich for Jared, whom we will soon be picking up from work for a picnic! His family used to do that with my mother-in-law, but I'm betting without the Nutella. :) The weather is picture-perfect!
It's commercial. It's silly and sentimental. Mom wins a craft, maybe breakfast. Women love thoughtful, romantic scenarios, but men and children are hard-pressed to deliver (goes back to that mind-reading bit). Our mass-production vendors are encouraged, the jewelry advertisements are endured, and we maybe-maybe-not allow ourselves to be exploited in the hubbub.
Or.
No matter the vehicle: a mass-produced gift; a careful, fragile preschooler's craft; or in my case, a sincere card mailed a day too late, it serves a noble cause: to tell Mom, not just "I love you," but, "I see you." It asks all of us, moms included, to acknowledge and honor motherhood especially for one day. Rather than gearing up for a day of entitlement (I used that word last post! Maybe I'm realizing an inner theme, hmm), or enduring well-intentioned acts of service gone messy (Braeden and Noah are a bit too young yet), an urge surfaces in me to scoop up my boys and thank them for making a Mama out of me. My friend Stephanie says when she becomes a mother, she wants one specific gift every Mother's Day: a photo of her kids, showing their progression through the years. Because as much as I want my kids to love me, and to express that -- why not? -- with creative genius, how real, how grand, to remember that I own this position, this charge to channel God's love with my own creative efforts? The cards, the restaurants -- hey, it's all good. The flower from the church parish? It's chivalrous. Whether my kids or husband even remember to commemorate the day, the main point is that I can, and I will. Make memories. Be blessed. I've been chosen for impact.
Plus, it's kinda fun seeing my husband's face when he realizes he forgot, and "owes me." Because he does. That's just another solid mark of marriage. Owing one another perpetually, the forgetting-and-remembering of it.
Enough of that. Here's what happened this past weekend: It was Jared's birthday! He got to care for the kiddos while I stayed in bed, taking vitamins and naps to fight off a bit of flu. We still had fun -- well-moderated. The funnest part came Sunday night, when Jared and I decided to place an order for a new custom electric guitar!!! He received his first graduation 2003, which was stolen a couple years ago. Every cash gift he's received since has gone to saving for the cause, including some thoughtful gift certificates. It is time to redeem them! He let me help choose the features, and lemme tell you, this guitar will be gorgeous! Built to be a show-offy monument after hard scholastic work, and representing the support of everyone who helped purchase it. It will be a prize.
Today -- shhh -- I'm making a Nutella and peanut butter sandwich for Jared, whom we will soon be picking up from work for a picnic! His family used to do that with my mother-in-law, but I'm betting without the Nutella. :) The weather is picture-perfect!
Wednesday, May 13
Mama Days
Hello, my blog! I've missed you! My girl Maude helped me see that. Now... we've got Sesame Street on, and housework and laundry begging to be done, while Braeden takes his after-breakfast nap. (Wouldn't you love an after-breakfast nap?) This is the frequent dilemma. I love being a mama. But the profound blessing comes with, and in many ways from, the profound challenge. Braeden has taught me that when I'm testy, it comes from a delusion of entitlement (to immediate sleep, email, housework). I'm not entitled! I exist, rightly he sees, to serve and sustain his baby-self. So happens I'm investing in: the health and wellness of my son; my and Jared's future; and oh, only God's grand, unfolding universal order.
Same for marriage. Entitlement is this ridiculous, oh-so-tempting delusional notion. These days, there's not much going for me in the way of personal whimsy. Braeden and Jared are the key players this year. Noah gets next dibs. And if I "forget to remember" that these days are shaping our future, that my support is laying a launch-pad foundation for three essential boys (plus my own character development), I would go the way of disenchantment. (And yeah, this is even with Jared faithfully giving me Miller Outdoor Theater time, and Tuesday evenings to myself, Yea! ) I know I'm in good company with other mothers: profoundly impacting the world, seemingly through an endless assignment of diapers and dishes. And yet, this is some of the richest work I will ever do, loving these boys into a secure, kind, and confident outlook.
Now Braeden is calling. "Aaaaggghh!" Traslation, "Get me out of this crib! I'm awake! What are y'all doing? I wanna play, too! Get off the internet!" (Okay, that last part was just me.)
Same for marriage. Entitlement is this ridiculous, oh-so-tempting delusional notion. These days, there's not much going for me in the way of personal whimsy. Braeden and Jared are the key players this year. Noah gets next dibs. And if I "forget to remember" that these days are shaping our future, that my support is laying a launch-pad foundation for three essential boys (plus my own character development), I would go the way of disenchantment. (And yeah, this is even with Jared faithfully giving me Miller Outdoor Theater time, and Tuesday evenings to myself, Yea! ) I know I'm in good company with other mothers: profoundly impacting the world, seemingly through an endless assignment of diapers and dishes. And yet, this is some of the richest work I will ever do, loving these boys into a secure, kind, and confident outlook.
Now Braeden is calling. "Aaaaggghh!" Traslation, "Get me out of this crib! I'm awake! What are y'all doing? I wanna play, too! Get off the internet!" (Okay, that last part was just me.)
Thursday, April 30
Two More!
Suddenly, I can't shut off my camera!
Here are two more happy snapshots from this afternoon.
Here are two more happy snapshots from this afternoon.
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